ICE agent one: "Remove your shoes!"

ICE agent two: "Leave your shoes on!"

ICE agent one: "Remove your shoes!"

Me: "What?"

[Both ICE agents open fire]

Cringe moment YouTube video by Corner DJ

I haven't seen one of these yet, so I cranked one out.

All over this 👇🏾👇🏾

screenshot of a tv user guide, showing two channels under Tue 8PM: MSNOW - State of the union TCM East- Gaslight

Masterful Troll, TCM.

[introducing girlfriend to my family]
me: this is my girlfriend janine
janine: hi
wife: what the fuck

60 years ago today, mild-mannered jim bowl was bitten by a radioactive spider

[plane starts going down]

[i raise my tray table]

[plane goes back up again]

It would cost $38 billion dollars to extend the Affordable Care Act subsidies for another year and ensure Americans don’t lose their healthcare.

The republicans said no.

Trump sent $40 billion to Argentina and they didn’t object.

Argentina first, America last.

I did a cabinball and said 'this one's for Ygrene'

a car tire with a guitar strapped to it, along with a hat, wig, and sunglasses arranged to resemble the famous guitarist Slash

oh my god someone slashed our tire

I had the exact same thought 😳

A jury of my peers? TWELVE murderers?!

Sometimes I think everything sucks, and other times I know it’s just most things, and other times I’m asleep. Life is a rich tapestry

baby needs pasta grocery store sign

rolling up to the Olive Garden like

Online Store: Great news!! Your package has shipped ❤️ Click here to track it 🥰

Me: [clicks]

Online Store: Whoa whoa WHOA! Slow down, Speed Racer!!! We haven’t even put the sticker on the box yet, JESUS Christ 😬 🛑

i don’t practice trans sharia
i aint got no crystal ball

kinda feel like pete hegseth could’ve given us a heads up in the chat

Pretty wild to make your entire case about how immigrants are lawless freeloaders, but having to go to their workplaces and court hearings to arrest them.

Reposted by Dan Mentos? Wake up sheeple, do your research

Texting Jesus like

👣👣
👣👣
👣 ┐
👣 │
👣 ├ ???
👣 │
👣 ┘
👣👣
👣👣

🤣

ME: happy valentine’s day

NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON: *slaps heart-shaped box out of my hands* an actual heart is shaped nothing like that

[Alien family passing Earth]
*door lock noise*

It's 12 degrees outside- 'Would you like to purchase a car wash?'

This is what you get when you order a stargate from Temu.

merry christmas to those that celebrate and merry live más to all the taco bell folks

Rube Goldberg: Sorry I'm late, the chicken didn't knock over the watering can

getting hit with a no doy at this point in my life would devastate me