A doctor tells his patient he has two weeks to live and suggests that he go to the local spa each day for a mud bath.
The patient asks “will that cure me?”
“Nope” the doctor replies, “but it will help you get used to the dirt”.
A man walks into a library and orders a cheeseburger and fries.
The librarian says, “sir, this is a library!”
The man quietly whispers, “I’d like a cheeseburger with fries…”
Yes my run looks like a circumcised penis. Yes I ran it that way on purpose. Yes my brain is still 10 years old.
What’s the difference between a golf ball and a Land Rover?
Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball over 300 yards.
I’ve never seen the behind the scenes
I had never seen that. It’s brilliant and shows just how amazing Mel Brooks is (I had to confirm he’s still alive… 99 years old btw)
Where do you find a turtle that has no legs?
Right where you left him.
Bluesky is strange that way sometimes. I like that you took a stand and have good reasons behind it - and the song has been overexposed in movies and tv commercials.
Hopefully you won’t have too many more trolls being aggressive with you on this but now I’m all in on the drama.
Did not expect the hot take of the day on Bluesky to be about Clair de Lune.
Personally I love it but music hits everyone differently. Doesn’t matter if it’s from 2025 or 1905.
I think the true question in the backfield is MarShawn Lloyd.
For the price Brooks is a good backup.
So my boss walked in on me having sex at work and yelled, “What are you doing!”.
I said, “Well, she was just laying there…”
“It’s an AUTOPSY!” he screamed.
Anyway, that was my last day as a veterinarian.
As a South Dakotan I apologize for unleashing her on the rest of humanity. She is truly vile and always has been.
Why do scuba divers always fall backward into the water?
Because if they fell forward they would be falling into the boat.
I think it’s so crazy that most of these Olympians will go back to their normal jobs in a week or so.
“Congratulations on the silver medal Stan, can you get me those 4th quarter numbers on my desk by the end of the day”
Why don’t blind people skydive?
Their dogs hate it.
Loved the documentary about him. Really brought his struggles to light and gave me new insight into his life.
Do you know why boxers don’t have sex the week before a big fight?
It’s probably because they don’t like each other that much.
We don’t want her. Can she just go to jail instead…
-18 degrees Fahrenheit this morning when I walked out the door. That means if it warms up 50 degrees it will be at the freezing mark.
Top ten things that sound erotic but aren’t.
I’m pretty sure I would trip over myself just jogging across the pitch let alone dribbling the ball like that.
“Electrical Issues”… sure…
Just talked to a Canadian friend of mine tonight. She said “come on up but we are absolutely not stepping foot in the US this year”
It’s sad when an airplane is our only hope for peace.
The fact that you could show this to any MAGA voter and all they would come up with is some “whataboutism” and try and deflect the conversation. It shows they are all deep into the cult mentality and for most they are too far gone.
So now they’re into furries??? Interesting.
I asked the librarian if the library had books on paranoia.
She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
This thing came to our city last year (and again this year according to the poster). Total MAGA-fest. Brought in every red hat from 300 miles around.
Never seen so many lifted pickup trucks with Trump flags in all of my life.
Pray for us…
Denmark renames Greenland ‘Epstein Island’ so that Trump will never talk about it again