Borowitz Report

Standing next to Hegseth is the new “I’m with Stupid” shirt.

Do not stop talking about the Epstein files!

Independent bookstores make quiet comeback as big chains dominate retail

About 422 indie bookshops opened in 2025, up 31%, defying predictions of retail consolidation

Me: I got bitten on my walk by a Rottweiler.

Karen: OMG!!! What if it it had been a small child?

Me: FFS Karen, I could’ve fought off a small child…

😊

Israeli strike hits Gaza church, killing 3 and wounding priest who was close to Pope Francis An Israeli shell slammed into the compound of the only Catholic church in the Gaza Strip, killing three people and wounding 10 others, including the parish priest, according to church officials.

Just hours after war criminal Benjamin Netanyahu sanctimoniously scolded us about how Israel and the IDF respect other faiths.

apnews.com/article/gaza...

When we took office, Charlotte Hall Veterans Home was in a state of complete disrepair and decay, and had a 1-Star rating.

We ended the contract with the previous operator, and our Board of Public Works brought in a new operator.

Now, Charlotte Hall has a 4-Star overall rating.

Seems to me like Trump is desperately begging Iran to sign a replica of the Obama JCPOA he tore up. All for the low low price of thousands dead, global instability, high energy prices, and a toll on ships through the once-free strait of Hormuz.

This is a war based on lies

Remains of US soldier who went missing in Korean war laid to rest after 75 years

Sgt Celestino Chavez Jr, accounted for in 2025, given full burial honors and posthumous medals in New Mexico

Carney says Canada’s strong economic ties to US are ‘weakness’ to be corrected

Prime minister details efforts to attract investment and sign trade deals with other countries in 10-minute video address

Screenshot of a tweet by NASA astronaut Reid Wiseman (@astro_reid) describing filming an "Earthset" from space, comparing it to watching a sunset at the beach from "the most foreign seat in the cosmos." He notes he captured a cell phone video while fellow astronaut Christina Koch (@Astro_Christina) used a Nikon with a 400mm lens for professional shots, with Vic Glover (@AstroVicGlover) and Jeremy Hansen (@Astro_Jeremy) watching from window 3.

Continuation of Reid Wiseman's tweet, describing how he used an iPhone with 8x zoom to capture Earth rising over the Moon's surface through the docking hatch window, noting the view is uncropped and uncut and comparable to what the human eye would see. The image shows Earth as a small bright crescent peeking over the dark, cratered lunar surface against the blackness of space.

The most amazing video ever taken on an iPhone.

8 black children murdered in Louisiana and not one mention of it from this administration. This is America 😐

Well?

Humans are not part of shark diet and sharks do not hunt humans
Most shark bites are cases of mistaken identity—where swimmers or surfers resemble seals or fish
Yet Hollywood has never made one movie telling the true nature of sharks
Spielberg made millions for portraying sharks as monsters

Everything the Ellison family could own if Paramount buys Warner Bros:

Paramount+
CBS
CNN
Showtime
HBO
Warner Bros
TNT
TBS
MTV
DC Studios
Nickelodeon
Comedy Central
Cartoon Network
And more...

This is a rotten deal that the Trump regime has rubber stamped.

State AGs must step in and block it.

Susan Collins shamed at ribbon cutting ceremony for not having held a town hall in 20 years.

The Press knew. They laughed.

The Tories knew. They didn’t care.

All I see now is hypocrisy.

Federal judge unloads on ‘unserious’ RFK Jr., says anti-trans policy showed his ‘cruelty’ Judge Mustafa T. Kasubhai vacated the “Kennedy Declaration,” finding it unlawfully attempted to override medical standards and restrict care for transgender youth.

"Secretary Kennedy’s unlawful declaration harmed children,” the Judge wrote.

“This case highlights a leader’s unserious regard for the rule of law...

“Unserious leaders are unsafe."

www.advocate.com/politics/nat...

Doug Ford announces Ontario will move to sell newly acquired jet following backlash YouTube video by CTV News

The point is, Ford thought eyes were off him and he could sneak this through. What else in our province (and it's a VERY long list) have these fecless asshols done?
Ontario: we need to get rid of Ford.
He's a Maple MAGA impediment.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVst...

When will Donald Trump be prosecuted for the staged assassination which led to the death of two people?

When?!

No Cards, huh?

On the right is someone NFL doctors say is 6’3, 230 lbs with 5% body fat

On the left is someone White House doctors say is 6’3, 224 lbs with 4.8% body fat

If the White House is THAT dishonest about something so clear, why should we believe anything they say about anything?

❤️

Corporations:

I don't care what your incompetent consultants tell you; none of us wants to answer scores of questions to evaluate your service.

Ask *one* question to score our experience 1 to 10. Then leave us alone.

I'm not paid to spend half an hour helping you to run your business.

Arizona Congressman Paul Gosar 🤪

Sean Hannity, the Fred Flintstone of shameless propaganda, has declared he will no longer be a Catholic because he worships Donald Trump—and the money it brings in—more.

Sean had to declare publicly that he will no longer be following his faith—because how else would anyone be able to tell?