they're saying that i'm having the normalest one anyone has ever had

has anyone ever heard of bram stoker's dracula

listening to augustina bazterrica's the unworthy and i had to go pick up my cat and cry on her for a minute

there is only one hour of oxygen left on the titan submersible

FUCKKKKKK 😭😭😭😭😭

i hope he makes a speedy recovery!!

love is blind: chopped and gay

love is blind needs to get some really ugly people on there

the gas station where i got hit by a car is selling labubus now

mickey 17 bravely asks the question: what if a really big bug was also a dog

apparently this was also the weed that makes you forget that they're called the impractical jokers.

damn i'm on my kate bush shit, i'm running up that hill

maybe i should train daria to attack on command

accidentally smoked the weed that gives you intrusive thoughts and i'm sitting here petrified that i'm going to encounter the practical jokers at aldi

did you know that cats will try to steal your meds. ask me how i know :)

just ate the best nachos of my life ama

sometimes when i'm very high i crank out a whole short story but a lot of the time i just make lists in my notes app. recently one of the lists i made was called "hrt would have saved them" and the only entry on the list was squilliam fancyson.

i'm under our new faux fur weighted blanket and daria is beefing with it. she's kneading it so hard she may as well be punching me

whoever came up with the limu emu count your fucking days

i've been saying this since time immemorial but we are all good on superhero movies. we don't need to make any more.

did you know cats can go through twink death

i'm so glad that i decided to transition but now nobody knows how to spell my name

don't ever show me a fucking labubu. are you DUMB

i don't have a yucky stinking tooth personally but i respect their beliefs

things that i want very badly but do not need, in case an anonymous benefactor feels like making me very happy:

- mubi membership
- dishwasher
- dairy cow isopods
- a copy of coming to power
- red tegu lizard
- a comically fat blunt
- the poppers candle from boy smells
- a loaded baked potato

this is perhaps my favorite article i've read this year. beautiful work!

i don't think we should retire it on account of its funny name

going horse mode (eating a whole bag of granola by myself)

the pressure brynne put on him was extremely gentle and polite but we move regardless

just noticed that i typed "had" and not "has," which makes it seem like my dad is dead. he is alive.

a grey and white cat sitting on top of a refrigerator

idk guys i think she likes the new fridge