Something darkly funny about Shrek appearing during the in memoriam section

a vintage menu board that reads: WHOLE PIES PLAIN ADD PEP I SAUS MARG NORTHSIDER UNCLE KEVIN BEES CHEESE PISS $69

went to the soft open for my buddy’s new pizza shop and the menu was on lock

Most of the world’s brightest minds are hard at work developing new ways for you to get depression from a computer

The first person to discover that sticking your hand inside a Muppet brings it to life must have been so scared.

Satirical album cover combining the classic top-40 compilation series and Magritte's famous painting, called "Now That's What I Call Une Pipe."

My daughter just sent me this meme, and the only rational conclusion is that I am a great mother.

I bet one of the first things people do now after they die is go annoy John and George, heaven must suck for them

Source: youtube.com user @Guinxu, youtube.com/watch?v=ZGtGXcFmlPM

In Super Mario 3D World, whenever the player characters are wearing blocks on their heads, their upper bodies are deformed underneath so they can fit inside without any parts poking out. By moving the camera inside the block, the extent of the deformation can be seen.

🧵 1/5 When social media billionaires wield algorithms like weapons and give N*zi salutes to celebrate their victories, it's easy to be consumed by rage.

I know I feel it.

Everyone Who Was Supposed To Protect You From This Failed Miserably Donald Trump will now be the president again. A colossal failure by every Republican, Democratic, legal, corporate, and media institution got us here.

www.rollingstone.com/politics/pol...

Goodbye old friend! Welcome to the greatest apps of all time Hall of Fame. Thank you to the developers and writers who kept this going all these years, especially making the end of the run so much fun. Muh Springfield babies!

dear Apple TV: if you are gonna put a behind the scenes featurette after the credits of a show, please stop fucking auto playing a different show as soon as the credits start! I WANT to watch the behind the scenes thing!!! (This goes for HBO too)

love to get a parking ticket in the middle of a state of emergency ❤️ thank you Burbank I didn’t need that money anyway it’s fine

Pleasant automated voice: Thank you for calling our customer service line that doesn't work. Did you know? You can also use our online customer service tool that doesn't work

to the guy who siad "fuck Dabbing" in the group chat at 2am and got no reacts—im sorry. we all thought that was very good but we were asleep

thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who gave to my gofundme and FULLY funded my Polar Express Surgery. as we speak, the doctor is preparing to move my eyes the exact wrong distance apart. they are removing 24% of my polygons. tom hanks is here. i can’t believe this is is my life

missed a spare at bowling and the scoreboard played an animation of me eating a log of shit with a knife and fork

The orc from Return of the King saying “The age of men is over. Now the Jingle Hop has begun.” He is wearing a Santa hat

It’s a cold and it’s a broken “cowabunga”

Reminder Superman is not a power fantasy, he's an altruism fantasy.

The idea of someone with godlike powers using them solely for good (with an antagonist who is a billionaire, who by definition do the opposite) was dreamt up by Jewish kids in the 30s and its just as if not more relevant now.

Every monthly comic should have a recap blurb. Do not trust me to remember what happened.

Six years working on this script and this is all I have.

*eye twitches*

Shooting the Grinch point blank in the back of the head on a city sidewalk but successfully eluding capture because the words “stink”, “stank”, “stunk” are etched on the shell casings and everyone kind of gets it

Two guys standing in front of a barn with the tagline "We're REAL CHEESE people"

Has science gone too far?

I think reboot just means that the title and some cast are back. We definitely have to reconceive a ton.

Just said this about #Scrubs reboot when a fan of original said they hoped it wouldn’t happen: Why? Not everyone out here is working. The cast/crew love each other. If it’s good you’ll be psyched. If it’s bad you won’t watch (and can badmouth it!) Let’s go! Big fun.

They invented the cybertruck so people who aren't funny can know what it's like to make everyone around them laugh

Harrison ford staple gunning the hat to his head “that outta do it”