Yeah but you can't smoke because you're on that dog medicine

Have you considered managing your anxiety with seat buzzers and a man in a giant ant costume who aperiodically raids your living room

Infowars/Onion combo logo in rainbow saying “I support the onion’s hostile media takeover.”

It’s finally happened. After 18 months. Finally, a media merger you can root for.

Every time he collects five bars of gold-pressed latinum it unlocks an additional cell

Didja dance with Elsie, boy?

Sources close to the situation have stated this was a disagreement over "basic geography," with SecWar advocating for the taking of Kharg Island and Gen. George apparently confusing it with a small coastal region called "Waterloo"

This is actually a Control situation. Those monitors do exist, you just don't have the right artifact on your desk to be able to perceive them.

There's a documentary on Shudder called "The Hat Man: Documented Cases of Pure Evil," but you'll want to have a loooot of drinks prepared

On the surface a very good movie but true aficionados will also note it as the only movie brave enough to give early 00s audiences exactly what they craved: a very specific person's head getting caved in with a large hammer while jaunty circus music played

Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togevah today.

You can win this with the least ordinance / lowest casualties by simply dropping one bomb on the blockaded region, but ending this quickly is not in the spirit of the War You Can't Stop Declaring Victory In so I will continue bombing my regional allies until this situation is resolved.

I was jamming with this until I recognized this was my own crawlspace

I love living in Interesting Times and then finding out a hole has started tearing across the sun.

Astrophysicists will try to calm it down by saying "its just the magnetic field changing this happens a lot." Just because nothing came out the last time doesn't mean it won't now, Neil!

This is hilarious.

Also, completely enraging.

I would swallow my doubt, turn it inside out find nothing but faith in nothing

They don't, actually. That's an, uh, emergent property.

Egon Spengler gives Janine Melnitz the ol bedroom eyes in the real Ghostbusters cartoon. Janine surprisingly not having any of it this time

Okay I came here hoping someone else saw this. Obviously the burrito man wants to sleep with our dude. This is flirting. You look a man in the eye and he doubles your pastor you're a couple now.

If you're sick, you should probably watch
Kiyoshi Kurosawa's CURE. It won't make you feel better but it'll give you something else to feel bad about!

I considered the entire population taking off in launch arcologies as the only real endgame 'win' strategy, but occasionally I'd build the arcology for bad citizens where aliens hunt you as a little treat.

This was meant to be a subtle ad piece for my invention, The Gun That Steals Emotions and Traps Them In A Jar for Writers to Use. I'll yell at the marketing dept.

Well that was a ride. Beautifully shot, a score that gets into your bones, and a story that manages to avoid horror tropes and takes some bizarre turns. No scares here, but entirely enjoyable.

If anything can make Nick bigger and sweatier it's RFK Jr, a ninety-eight degree glass of whole milk, and a well tailored Canadian tuxedo

It takes all this processing power to rotate a sandwich properly

Tom I hate to say this but those are unfertilized falafel, they lack the tahini sauce to develop properly. Nature can be so cruel.

It's not about the Shrek, it's about what the Shrek implies. In this essay I will (1/26)

Absolutely nothing here about whether or not they're in the mouth

Time to dust off a classic

Hell yes.

The kids are all right (hook)