I would have done anything for this phone

::looks at pile of books generally everywhere in my apartment::

Did you know that by substituting your morning coffee with green tea, you can eliminate up to 93% of what little joy you have left?

If i was the richest guy in the world i would just do stuff like give the decemberists 100 million dollars to write a concept album about the hardy boys

When a writer says they've outlined their story, what they really mean is they've envisioned 3-4 cool scenes they now need to somehow tie together into a plot