If elected president, my mutuals will be allowed to commit 1 crime. I trust your hearts

my doctor retired 6 yrs ago, and so, I havent had a checkup in 6 yrs, and now im rlly weird about the whole thing. They touch ur balls, AND want ur pee?? freakbob, are we for real

SAY LESS! i have ideas..

only true heroes can wield the Axe body spray flamethrower

day 100 of dog food lunch. I’m seeing results, which means there will be an additional 100 days of dog food lunch

It's really not fair :/ society is holding us back

smoking 3 blunts at the same time and hitting wheelies on my Harley Davidson

I thought I'd have at least 1 chance to throw a stick of dynamite by now

they have full episodes on youtube!! 🚨🚨

Ooo what’s it called? I like this show called Garden Rescue

lol the at-home cup is the only way I'm making it out of this economy

I start w/ at-home coffee, then I get myself ready for public coffee

Sam: I brought salt in case we wanted to cook something
Frodo: let’s fuck ;)

I don't fw the pokemon fans that talk shit on Dragonite. The next person who calls Dragonite goofy is gonna get zapped with the big laser

Come with!!! the bats don’t bite

Going out to hang with the bats!!!

I'm so behind on my dragonslaying. The townspeople have nothing better to do than complain about the dragons. I hate this kingdom

my room is gonna look so rad all i need is 20 cinderblocks, 10 milk crates, and a skateboard deck that's broken in half

hmm the local shaman who does ketamine treatments has stopped replying to my emails

A scary creeper white van that’s big enough to fit 15 people

Was hoping for a cool VW bus for Yosemite. what they have available is not good. these vibes are bad and scary

tysm!! will do :)

i like the name Nieve!! im excited to decorate her tank

it’d be a little irresponsible for me to adopt a dog/cat this year BUT I do have the capacity for 1 of those pretty purplely beta fish

man wearing an “I <3 emo bitches” t-shirt & his gf were needlessly rude to me at the concert last night. Soon after, I turn around to find him blacked out on ground

He left me no choice. I had to destroy him with my mind

this night is so fun. I needed it. We’re at Wawa and they gave me 5 chicken strips when I only ordered 3!!!!!! things are going great for me

THEYRE BACK! YAAAY

the artemis pics are a nice reminder that we’re on a magic rock. Some things that stress me are very small when u zoom out

So many of my ancestors resemble Wario or Waluigi. It's remarkable

the beach concerts nearby sound so fun but even the painfully average shows are $110 minimum for one ticket..c'monn noww ppl, pls get real

I couldn't choose one