I'm fine, absolutely fine. Do not be alarmed if I don't post for three months after this weekend

Jasper from Simpsons with a shovel: "It's an old-fashioned bad Janhopis food opinion. By gar, it's been a while."

there’s about forty people in the country who actually like keir starmer but they all have very active bluesky presences

Harry Hill says "Let's do the Andy Burnham"

Can't wait to see #dogskilledatpollingstations trending soon

The handwriting is fucking mental, but then, so is most of the letter. I must have been taking the piss. I'm sure I remember not being a braindead moron at that age?

Bizarrely slanted handwriting declares that 'Outside of school I enjoy watching and playing football. I am watching Euro '96 and I am a season-ticket holder at Cambridge United'

For some reason my parents handed back my personal statement I wrote for my secondary school 30 years ago (which was year 9 entry in Oxford back then). The original football authentocrat!

Starmer says Robbins' sacking does not blight his record as having 'distinguished career' Andrew Mitchell, the former Tory cabinet minister, said Robbins was "a fine and experienced civil servant" who should not be made to take the blame. Starmer said he lost confidence in Robbins because he did not share the vetting information. But, he went on: 14 That doesn't mean [Robbins] hasn't got a distinguished career. He does have a distinguished career.

LOL what the fuck. Mate you’re accusing him of secretly & inexplicably doing something so serious he had to be sacked immediately, and you’re furious about it. You cannot then say “but he’s cool tho I rate him a lot”

What the hell happened to the James Acaster episode of the Harry Hill Show then

Forgot about this, god, imagine the alternate universe where I'm sitting on 8 likes right now

Can only pray that a Love Is All Around scenario does not play out for the hitherto reclusive hedgehog custodian

Ah, well you can't go wrong then! Top-tier food

I was also tempted to recommend Isis Tavern on the river but only if the weather is superb as the food is crushingly mid!

Ms Tiggywinkles said get my name out of your mouth

Royal Blenheim a lovely little boozer. Restaurants in Westgate are crowd pleasers though all chains. Najar's outside St John's College has legendary falafels

Ashmolean, covered market, botanic garden (weather dependent) all worth your time if you're just in the centre

One of those ape things from 5 years ago

Wary of hyping it too much but you need to see this man's twitter avi. Are you ready? 3, 2, 1...

I figure he'll just be dialled back season-on-season. Probably still preferable to whatever Ronaldo's post-career crashout will look like. Good chance he has Simon Cowell's face in ten years

But 'get ready to be offended!' headlines will continue to be a feature (google 'charlie kirk oxford student disciplinary' as an aside, btw) for at least 15 more years

Feeling with the Freedom of Speech stuff is that we've been awaiting the first vexatious claim to gather momentum from 1 August and will see which unfortunate institution loses the reverse lottery. Case will drag on for years, appealled, this moment will fizzle out

As a child, I was so terrified of being on NTV, some weeks I'd sit there holding up a piece of A4 with 'CUNT' written on it

Shearer took a decade to get there, so it's not impossible to salvage this, but that required vastly more charismatic people to bring out his less taciturn side

It's not working! My idea was someone was so in thrall to the idea that people liked Lineker because he scored so many goals for England that Wazzaroon, a man with no talent for public speaking and who struggles to consider what people might consider insightful, was a ready-made replacement?

They do have to incorporate a UCL semi into their planning as well though

Not really in a position to judge atm as we're so close to glory I'm at the 'betting on my own team to lose' stage of the rattle cycle

One of football's great 'worst person you know just made a great point' moments

Best I can find is 'On the bad place they are actually suggesting that we should sack Arteta!'-style yanks