NBC announced the New York Mets will be featured in a reboot of The Biggest Loser.

To entice fans to come out the Citi Field tonight, the Mets are offering free Xanax to the first 15,000 fans in attendance.

My entry for this week’s New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest. **Any entries you may have please enter contest. Thanks!** Enjoy! Personal humor essays, comic short stories and more.

My entry for this week’s New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest. **Any entries you may have please enter contest. Thanks!** Enjoy!

open.substack.com/pub/howardfo...

Mets fans are so depressed, they now watch paint dry for entertainment.

The New York Mets have lost 11 straight games. In fact, things are so bad, their mascot Mr. Met has gone into the Witness Protection Program.

Someone told Willie Nelson today is 4/20. He replied, “Oh, that’s every day!”

You know you’re getting old when moth balls are your fragrance of choice.

You've Got Text A sweet, charming and funny feel good story with a happy ending. NO! Not that type of happy ending. Get your minds out of the gutter.

Excerpt from my latest humor short story, “You’ve Got Text”:

“I stopped at the crosswalk grinning, as I waited for a green light. Then a warm feeling came over me, thanks to a dog that peed on my leg. I continued on, now smelling like the E train.”

You've Got Text A sweet, charming and funny feel good story with a happy ending. NO! Not that type of happy ending. Get your minds out of the gutter.

Excerpt from my latest humor short story, “You’ve Got Text”:

“I stopped at the crosswalk grinning, as I waited for a green light. Then a warm feeling came over me, thanks to a dog that peed on my leg. I continued on, now smelling like the E train.”

New review: “This may be your best! I can see this turned into a rom-com easily.” - Julie Stern

New review: “This may be your best! I can see this turned into a rom-com easily.” - Julie Stern

One of the best movies ever!

You've Got Text A sweet, charming and funny feel good story with a happy ending. NO! Not that type of happy ending. Get your minds out of the gutter.

My goal with this one was to be more organic; worrying about situations, characters, dialogue without punching it up with jokes just to add more funny.

Enjoy!

open.substack.com/pub/howardfo...

The definition of classic comedy: the New York Mets.

You know you’re getting fat when your birthday suit doesn’t fit.

You've Got Text A sweet, charming and funny feel good story with a happy ending. NO! Not that type of happy ending. Get your minds out of the gutter.

Reviews You’ve Got Text:

“This one is pure Woody Allen: laughed my tuckes off!” - LizM

“It’s funny, a little bold, and just human enough to feel real underneath it all. I genuinely enjoyed this one.”- Bob

“Quite charming” - Geoff Dale

“Great story”- DW Davis

open.substack.com/pub/howardfo...

You've Got Text A sweet, charming and funny feel good story with a happy feeling. NO! Not that type of happy ending. Get your minds out of the gutter.

Enjoy my new humor short story, “You’ve Got Text.” Please leave comments and likes via Substack.

open.substack.com/pub/howardfo...

You've Got Text A sweet, charming and funny feel good story with a happy feeling. NO! Not that type of happy ending. Get your minds out of the gutter.

Enjoy my new humor short story, “You’ve Got Text.” Please leave comments and likes via Substack.

open.substack.com/pub/howardfo...

When I was a kid, my mom used to say “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” To this day, people think I’m mute.

Attention comedians: Today is the deadline to file your jokes.

Today is National Library Workers Day. So if you're going to have sex, make sure you do it by the book

My entry for this week’s New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest. **Any entries you may have please enter contest. Thanks!** Enjoy! Personal humor essays, comic short stories and more.

My entry for this week’s New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest. **Any entries you may have please enter contest. Thanks!** Enjoy!

open.substack.com/pub/howardfo...

When I was a kid, my mom used to say “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” To this day, people think I’m mute.

You know you're getting old when you think Miracle-Gro is used for erectile dysfunction.

Today Is National Scrabble Day. It's my favorite board game, mainly because my partner is dyslexic.

My entry for this week’s New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest. **Any entries you may have please enter contest. Thanks!** Enjoy! Personal humor essays, comic short stories and more.

My entry for this week’s New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest. **Any entries you may have please enter contest. Thanks!** Enjoy!

open.substack.com/pub/howardfo...

I don’t know why Trump finds it’s so hard to block the Strait of Hormuz, when Chris Christie was easily able to block the George Washington Bridge in 2013. I mean, Christie is available. He’s got his own beach chair and won’t put our servicemen in danger.

The Birth of the Four-Headed Monster A sci-fi/humor short story. Hold on to your thrusters, it's going to be a bumpy ride.

New review:

“Your story is a wild, irreverent romp that manages to blend "Golden Age" sci-fi absurdity with a very modern, satirical edge.” - George | the culture crunch

open.substack.com/pub/howardfo...

Now here’s an idea: a Billy Preston Chia Pet.

Now here’s an idea: a Billy Preston Chia Pet.