Have You Heard the Latest? Okay, one difference is that Van Gogh severed his left ear.

Who is a better man, Van Gogh or Trump?

geneweingarten.substack.com/p/have-you-h...

Tradition. Tradition! Tradish-UN! Tradition. On Saturday evening, Donald Trump is going to hulk onto a stage and lumber across it, Herman Munster-like, his body pitched awkwardly forward, scowling, leading with his chin, like a man walking into ...

Inviting Trump to speak was a really big mistake by the mainstream media.
geneweingarten.substack.com/p/tradition-...

The number of valid words the Spelling Bee does not accept is sickening. It has been badly flawed from the start. They are particularly ignorant in matters of science and medicine.

Thanks, Allen.

My Conversation with "Deep Thought" The mysterious copy editor surfaces at last

This might not be the most IMPORTANT column of the day, but it has a great cat video.
geneweingarten.substack.com/p/my-convers...

Park This Where the Sun Don't Shine Hello.

How well do YOU parallel park?
geneweingarten.substack.com/p/park-this-...

A Story About Two Very Different Men One day in September 1988 I got an anonymous letter addressed to me as the editor of Tropic, the Sunday magazine of The Miami Herald.

Donald Trump vs. Bryan O Walsh. Hell vs. Heaven.
geneweingarten.substack.com/p/a-story-ab...

Oh, Swell. Well... The smug, stubbled guy looks like a cross between the incarcerated Jeffrey Epstein and Chester the Molester, the puffy-faced playground-lurking pedophile cartoon character from the 1970s Hustler magaz...

His supporters fled like a cat from a cucumber fusillade.
geneweingarten.substack.com/p/oh-swell-w...

Breaking Into the Mint The following conversation occurred yesterday with Heather, a customer service rep for Sanofi Products, which makes ACT restoring fluoride mouthwash, the number-one dentist-recommended product of its ...

Would you take this bet? I will give you this new bottle of a best-selling mouthwash. I bet $50 you won't take a swig of it within one minute. geneweingarten.substack.com/p/breaking-i...

Jesus Christ. Dear President Trump:

Here are some more people I am recommending that Trump lash out against.

geneweingarten.substack.com/p/jesus-christ

Thanks, Laura.

Three Asses, Wagging Something occurred to me last night.

Three asses wagging the dog.

geneweingarten.substack.com/p/three-asse...

Excellent!

A Treatise on Gender-Related Differences in the Incidence and Facility of Simultaneous Pooping and Peeing Several days ago, just as the Iran war was entering into the absurdist realm of presidential incompetence, just as the annihilation of an ancient civilization was being threatened by a waddling, ignorant, half-senile gasbag with multiple emotional pathologies, The Washington Post ran a story about

One of the most important stories you will read this year.
geneweingarten.substack.com/p/a-treatise...

But What If It's a Tie? For the moment we are all waiting to see just how mad Donald Trump is.

While we await Armageddon...
geneweingarten.substack.com/p/but-what-i...

Bland Theft Auto I was walking downtown yesterday when I stopped to inspect the interior of a car parked in a driveway.

In which I attempt to steal a car, apparently.

geneweingarten.substack.com/p/bland-thef...

Hello. Is This Thing Working? Welcome to the Weekend Gene Pool.

Hey! You're not going to see an illustration like this every day.
geneweingarten.substack.com/p/hello-is-t...

Back to the Stone Age Was there ever any real doubt that when Donald Trump finally blustered and blundered this country into a real war, he would do it like a troglodyte — or, alternatively, like a semiliterate adolescent ...

He's half troglodyte and half Tom Sawyer.
geneweingarten.substack.com/p/back-to-th...

You know what would be a really bad name for a restaurant? "The Screaming Baby."

Never Has He Ever ... Right?

Trump has never done these things. Readers weigh in.

geneweingarten.substack.com/p/never-has-...

Trump Wins! Clapclapclapclap.

And he deserves it.
geneweingarten.substack.com/p/trump-wins

So Plagiarism is Cool Now? One decade ago, I wrote an essay in The Washington Post that became an object of spirited debate among journalists, many of whom claimed to be shocked at my lack of ethics.

Hey, writers. Are you as bothered by AI as I am?
geneweingarten.substack.com/p/so-plagiar...

A Bad Lie The King of Stupid strikes again.

Trump's dumbest lie ever! So far!
geneweingarten.substack.com/p/a-bad-lie

A Fool's Fortnight In the last two weeks alone, Donald Trump has destabilized the Middle East, turned the United States into a pariah state, killed more than a hundred little girls by mistake then denied he had done it ...

We're screwed. Obviously.
geneweingarten.substack.com/p/a-fools-fo...

Snow Big Thing Hello.

When ice doesn't melt. A treatise on fluid dynamics.

geneweingarten.substack.com/p/snow-big-t...

Feeling the Pinch Here's some content for ya, with context.

Jezos, Bezos!

geneweingarten.substack.com/p/feeling-th...

The Invitational Week 167: Picture This (really) We give the caption, you give the picture. And could the State of the Union speech have been any wackier? Why yes, it could have!

Readers re-wrote Trump's SOTU, using his words out of order. It is hilarious.
geneweingarten.substack.com/p/the-invita...

We're All Mandrakes Now. Hello.

We're in Dr. Strangelove territory. We are all Mandrakes now.

geneweingarten.substack.com/p/were-all-m...

Many apologies. It was not ATAXIA that the Spelling Bee didn't accept. It was ATAXIC. My criticism holds. Spelling Bee is a careless, shoddy puzzle run by arrogant arseholes with no knowledge of science or medicine and no desire to learn.

When did you do it?