Sad to see signs of kids shooting up.

I had a blast reporting on the Boat Race. And I even got the names of the winners right.

I called it. Spurs should get a guest manager in every week like Have I Got News For You. Harry Redknapp, Glenn Hoddle, Stephen Mangan, Sue Perkins, ChatGPT - give them a game each. At least it’d be fun. www.theguardian.com/football/202...

England are playing 4D Chessum.

Fancy a challenge?

How’s this for a storyline:
Tudor gets sacked. Poch does a press conference saying he can’t in good conscience manage the USA while Trump embarks on illegal wars, quits and rejoins Spurs to save them at the last minute.
That’d be good.

I said get a guest manager in every week. Not a guest goalie.

Relegated and then European champions? Have I got Spurs for you | Jon Harvey It’s been a troubling season at Tottenham and while there is a slim chance it will end in glory, ignominy is looking rather more likely

Me on Spurs in today’s Guardian: www.theguardian.com/football/202...

I picked a bad week to be a Spurs and England rugby fan.

Apology accepted. (I don’t have Tourette’s, but I did watch his opening monologue.)

Happy Birthday to me.
Happy Birthday to me.

BREAKING: Peter Mandelson stole concrete mixers. And monster trucks. According to my four-year-old.

🤔

Spurs are being run by a British general from the First World War.

My life used to be very different.

I’ll say this for HMRC. Compared to banks and doctors’ surgeries, their hold music is a banger.

In a flash of inspiration, this morning my sleep-addled brain twigged that our boiler whirrs at the same pitch, tempo and timbre as the opening to Does Your Mother Know by ABBA. My day may have peaked early.

We have a daughter! Penelope was born under the new year’s super moon. She has a furry back so she might be a were-baby, but in a world of portfolio careers this is an extra plus point. She’s incredibly cute and worth all the sleep deprivation.

Sarah is a doubly heroic mummy and we’re all in love.

If you watch Industry, I’m in the opening scene of tonight’s episode. Sort of…

All right - I've done a comedy writer and producers starter pack for everyone who's into that sort of thing. And YES, I've forgotten you, so remind me that you exist and YES I will put you on it (unless you have slighted me in some unremembered way in the last 20 years). go.bsky.app/AkQCH7U

Been a busy Christmas: producing Have I Got 2025 For You, presenting on Times Radio, producing a festive Unspeakable, ‘helping’ Count Binface interview Susie Dent, and Into The Sharkiverse getting a repeat airing. Time for a new production, of the human kind. Due any day.

A Space Alien Came Travelling Christmas Tidings to Earth from Sigma IX!

HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVE!
Give your loved ones (including yourself) the ultimate gift for 2026: join Count Binface Lifts the Lid, the finest newsletter in the galaxy! countbinface.substack.com/p/a-space-al...
Subscribe today for a special glimpse into Christmas future… CB X

Another masterpiece.

#sgtpepper2025

For Rob Reiner.

Championing Classics in state schools – Big Give Classics for All trains teachers to introduce and sustain Classics in their state schools. We give children and young people, …

I’ve been collaborating with @classicsforall.bsky.social who do fantastic work bringing Latin and Classics to state primary and secondary schools. It’s amazing how much the kids love it and how it boosts learning. A very worthy recipient in the Big Give:
donate.biggive.org/campaign/a05...

Unbelievable.

Beat this.

What the hell is this doing in a BBC News story?
1. Cut the flippancy FFS.
2. We assume you check EVERYTHING.
3. Pre-school kids know an ichthyosaurus is a fish dinosaur, so it’s not rocket science to guess an ichthyocentaur might be a fishy centaur.

Jeez.