Friend: Do you remember joy at all?

Me: the emotion or the dish soap?

4/20 is tomorrow. The world is so fucked up that no one is talking about the best holiday of the year.
We are all like children who have forgotten that Santa is coming because our parents are getting divorced

Lynyrd Skynyrd was all like “lord knows i can’t change” and then immediately changed tempos

The US government threatening the Pope is like when other rappers tried to clown MC Hammer.
They are obviously not familiar with the Vatican game.

a cartoon of a man playing a violin with fys on the bottom Alt: a cartoon of a man playing a violin

I said he sleeps with the fishes

My favorite holiday tradition was when my dad would sit us down as a family and tell us the story of Easter. Jesus was crucified, rose again on the 3rd day, left his tomb, saw his shadow, and we had 6 more weeks of winter.

If you get a vasectomy in New Jersey it’s called a “Hackensack.”

I'm so worried. What if the president is ok?

"Oh,...bring your kid to work day, not bring your work to Kid day."
-US helicopter pilot.

Bro, I am higher than the truck nuts on the Artemis II

No. Sorry, I should've RSVPd

clogging the vacuum toilet on day one of the moon voyage

that guy is a fuckin mess

If I were a witch, they'd burn me at the Steak 'n Shake

Me to the wife: They are still blocking the Strait of Morhoez?

Wife: You mean Hormuz?

Me: Yes, what did I say?

Coop from Interstellar piloting a spaceship and saying "This little maneuver is gonna cost us 51 years"

your grandparents voting for reagan

bsky.app/profile/chad...

A crippling Duke meltdown and choke 2 years in a row?

“Go get ‘em Tiger.”

Tiger Woods going to get ‘em: *another DUI*

#tigerwoods

The annual migration of me cussing indoors to me cussing outdoors has begun.

Sorry for your loss.

I'm doing my best. Oh, you mean Tiger.

Math checks out

Tiger Woods somehow was the best and worst driver in history.

John Daly and Tiger Woods standing together on a golf course

John explaining to Tiger that he can, in fact, afford a driver.

Damn. This Pi day seems like it goes on forever.

I wonder how many of us would just simply flip the switch

Librarian: “The book you reserved about clocks is in.”
Me: “It’s about time!”