we all know I have no life, so:

Sigh

Finding a football-sized morel is the dream…

A gross ass ball of orange fungus and its name is Deer Vomit!

OH JESUS WHAT

Early here! And no sign of any other ticks, knock on wood

Another hour of hunting and only THREE more. Some years I’ve gotten three pounds out here in this spot. It is a feckless, wanton mistress, the mycelium

I think I speak for every morel hunter when I say the person who first brought Amur honeysuckle to the U.S. should be dug up out of their grave and children should throw dung at their bones in the town square

Five checks so far today and that’s the first I’ve spotted. This outfit is soaked in the stuff

Lil morel

This little guy is going to spew out like a billion spores over the next week. Insane

Oh I see. My first Lone Star tick in the wild. Yay

Got some mushrooms

A Google map with lots of pins marked MOREL

Okay, refreshed and finally at the edge of my real patch. Let’s see where this goes

(Time out for a Casey’s fritter)

There is a moment, one split second after your last breath and one split second before the light washes in and all things merge and are obliterated, where you understand every New Pornographers lyric

An unnamed river near morels

This has been kind of a side quest because this is the thin end of my patch but I do love how much of the river you can get to yourself here. Des Moines has a green belt out west that is now like eight times the size of Central Park and I have been out here all day without seeing another human

Yay, bigger morel

Bigger ones by the riverbank!

A lot of dryads saddle out! They are great mushrooms to eat id you ever wanted to answer the question “what if old trees were made of the chewing gum under a desk”

Lotta babies, it’s early. I hunt in public land where morel hunting is blood sport but there are limits

Ok restart the clock

(Left my warmup spot about 20 min ago, hiking to my main patch)

Little fella

Little, still inflating. Long season this year.

Two morels!

A few minutes later, two morels. If this doubling trend continues by nightfall I will have enough morels to collapse the earth into a black hole

First morel of the season!

The answer is, six minutes in, a morel. I retain the favor of the gods

The woods!

Time for America’s favorite annual game show, WHAT IS IN THE WOODS

There is a moment, one split second after your last breath and one split second before the light washes in and all things merge and are obliterated, where you understand every New Pornographers lyric

Tisza now at 132 seats, one seat away from supermajority.

Admiral Ozzel was a good officer, Vader framed him to cover up his hunt for Luke

The white flag, aka the official flag of the Confederacy

Wishing you and yours a very merry Confederate Surrender Day.

The cover of the forthcoming Facts on File Encyclopedia of U.S. Military Actions

Update:

Give everyone equal access to death cabs, not just cuties

"Good tsar, bad boyars" has been a recurring theme of Trumpism every year the dude's been office. It's wild.