I have so many Donna Summer songs on my MP3 player that if I dropped dead tomorrow people will think I lead a double life

I get all of my news from 2019

Uh oh we got a guy here that cares about how other people measure things

Nothing I just don't come here all that often

It's 108 miles to Chicago, I got a full tank of gas, a half pack of cigarettes, it's cloudy, and I'm wearing sunglasses

Left handed people should be put in jail

I'm 100% open to being bribed to use my social media accounts to help spread disinformation

Tell me this isn't an album cover

Happy Halloween. Don't forget to feed your snakes before you go stand around in a graveyard all night

@bobjanke.bsky.social

So great to finally see you here!

My friend Michelle is still responding that she's going to every event on Facebook like she isn't 43 years old. Nobody believes you're going to see a Sepultura tribute band on a Wednesday

We need turquoise jewelry to make a come back. That's how you knew who to hit on

Since the government shut down a month ago I've made $1800 buying beer for teenagers and keeping the change

[Doing that trick where it looks like my thumb is coming apart and blood starts spraying everywhere]: OH NO I DID IT WRONG

MAMA MIA!

Tomorrow is going to suck taking down all of these Christopher Columbus decorations

I just bought Bluesky with a $10 Harbor Freight Money coupon and three stretched out paper clips

Are you sure. I just want to be sure

the jerk store called they're running out of paprika

First that guy steals a hat from that kid. Then the lady takes that baseball. It could just me but maybe little kids need to be tougher.

I'd ask you for some recommendations but it obviously isn't working

Well, I'm glad somebody is getting their news from early March

Just so you know, you're the last person on Earth that's still talking about that

I believe in Bigfoot because Bigfoot believes in me

Yes I heard your horn the first time a split second after the light turned green. Why do you think I'm typing this.

Sydney Sweeney is in my driveway trashing my car with a baseball bat boy were you guys right about her

Fool me once, shame on you Fool me twice shame on me Fool me a third time hey this is a pretty good scam can i get in on this

I know Jesus was a carpenter but I think he would've been a better plumber, you know, with the water thing

Tell me about it

My weight loss goal is to have an old man pelvis so it looks like my legs go straight up into my back