Big OOOF

Alright, I’m home now so here’s the Norm update. Yesterday at 4pm, I got a text from a family I’ve been helping who had a loved one abducted a couple of days after Renée Good’s murder. This was the family that Norm Nation kept from being evicted (and you delivered). ICE had released their loved one.

Over the last 128 years, only four Phillies teams have had a lower batting average through 22 games than the 2026 Phillies (.220). It's their lowest mark through 22 games since 1970.

Whoa they scored

Was curious how the Phillies current BABIP against would rank in history and you’ll never guess who has the top two highest for full* seasons

i'm happy to see the onion take over infowars. i've been a big fan of the onion for quite a long time and it's given me plenty of laughs over the years. and as for infowars, i really disliked alex jones and disagreed with him on a whole lot of things. so to me, this whole situation is a win-win

Braves 4, Phillies 2. Kyle Schwarber slams his helmet as Ronald Acuña Jr. makes a terrific catch. The Phillies have lost five in a row. At 8-13, they are tied for their worst 21-game start to a season since 2000.

Phillies fan sporting a CRANKIN HOG 69 jersey during a food segment on Sunday Night Baseball

Salute to an all-time tweet

Gotta kick up the 4d3d3d3

"Pass the Hatchet, I think I'm Goodkind" by Yo La Tengo

Sid Rosenberg @sidrosenberg19 X.com Figures! Mr. Met ran away from ME last season!!! And he's hugging the Mayor! Mr. Met is an Antisemite!!!!!!! katie honan @katie_honan • 6d Mr. and Mrs. Met (@MrMet) meet Mr. @nycmayor

Sid Rosenberg O @sidrosenberg19 X.com Just when you thought things couldn't get worse we found out today that Mr. Met is a raging antisemite!

Sid Rosenberg • @sidrosenberg19 X.com This was me at Citifield last season being IGNORED by Mr. Met! Yesterday Mr. AND Mrs. Met were hugging and kissing our Antisemite Mayor @NYCMayor! Easy to conclude that Mr. Met is an Antisemite!!!!!

Sid Rosenberg @sidrosenberg19 X.com l'll be 59 on Sunday:) For the first time ever I'm sporting a Yankee jersey as I make my way to the Bronx. The official transition from a life long Met fan to a Yankee fan is now underway. Like my friend @CGasparino once wrote "Go Woke, Go Broke!" The Mamdani Mets are too WOKE for me! See ya at the Stadium soon fans!

Absolutely dying at right-wing radio host Sid Rosenberg getting so angry that Mr. and Mrs. Met hugged @mayor.nyc.gov that he started calling them antisemites and became a Yankees fan.

And Harper cuts the lead to 42

[sighs] maybe we don't do that

watching the phillies

Phillies baseball!

"Someone tried to strangle Sneako", "Clavicular just had a drug overdose", I refuse to believe that understanding any of these headlines is better for me than chain-smoking

She reportedly parted ways with Bezos with a jaw-dropping $38.3 billion in Amazon stock. Their divorce settlement included a 4 % stake in the online retail giant or 19.7 million shares. Under the agreement, Bezos kept 75% of the couple's Amazon stock, along with voting control of her shares. Jan 11, 2023

MacKenzie Scott has given away over $19 billion in the last 5 years and experts say she's 'changed entire fie... MacKenzie Scott acknowledged another $2 billion in donations as 2024 comes to a close.

MacKenzie Scott, worth $41.1 billion, is on a philanthropic tear and has donated an estimated 46% of her net worth.

Just to give a sense of the insane scale of billions of dollars…MacKenzie Scott got about $38 billion after divorcing Bezos in 2019. She has become the world’s most generous philanthropist, giving away over $19 billion…and she’s currently wealthier than she started.

Just. Tax. Them.

A well thought-out, carefully considered raffle ticket

Edmundoooooooooooo

Alec Bohm grounds out, second baseman Scott Kingery (!?!) to first baseman Miguel Amaya. 3 outs.

Just catching up, this was a jump scare

Nation's UPS Men Break Out The Shorts MANCHESTER, NH—In a welcome sight heralding the end of another winter and the arrival of spring, United Parcel Service men across the nation are breaking out the shorts.

It’s that time of year!

Kyle Schwarber hates the Cubs and he's taking it out on them

Two times

The excruciating ways this team wastes chances are a level beyond past years. I don’t enjoy it

Very true

that's right we're the dumbest team and don't you forget it