Recap of BBC’s daily soccer gossip column:
-Manchester City is looking into Player A
-Manchester United is looking into Player B
-Arsenal and Barcelona and Real Madrid are hoping to buy Player C
-Manchester City is also in on Player B, with Manchester United interested in Player A if Player B doesn
Itchin fer obituaries
I completely forgot that The Baseball Crank existed and, you know, as bleak as things are…that was a better time
My boy Juraj didn’t exactly cover himself in glory there
8pm is LATE what are they even doing
Opening a Kalshi account so I can put $100 on Kalshi getting shut down as a criminal enterprise
Premier League table since Daniel Farke switched to a 5-3-2 against Man City:
Arsenal: 40pts
Man City: 39
Man Utd: 37
Villa/Liverpool: 34
Brentford/B’Mouth: 29
Fulham/Leeds: 28
Everton: 26
Brighton: 25
Sunderland/Chelsea/Forest: 24
Newcastle/Palace: 23
West Ham: 22
Wolves: 15
Spurs: 12
Burnley: 10
Madlib headline
Get these morons away from my favorite soccer team
Vaguely around, but pretty familiar with it
When you see me and my Wellbutrin and Lexapro comin you best steps aside
SUCK IT, Tampa Bay
I don’t think having five shots on goal in the first 35:00 is a “recipe” for “success” for the Habs
Give the assist to the damn referee
Inside of you are 0 wolves because they came over to my house for snacks and pets
This is “Satellite Rides” by Old 97s? I’m going with that one
Googling “how to be attractive?”
Premier League, last six games:
14pts: Man City
13pts: Brighton
12pts: Arsenal
10pts: Man Utd / Liverpool / B'mouth / Everton / Sunderland / Palace
9pts: Forest
8pts: Brentford / Fulham / Leeds / West Ham
7pts: Villa/Wolves
6pts: Newcastle
3pts: Chelsea
2pts: Spurs
1pt: Burnley
Why did I just get a text from a Houston number saying “Get here quick”
Reuters with the headline that anyone remotely paying attention already knew but trying to spell it out to the casuals
It’s a weird feeling as an American to despise the Men’s National Team. But, then again, I’m not a huge fan of “The Country As It Stands” so
A stiff wind would give Tyler Adams a Grade 3 Hamstring Strain
I’ve spent over half my life wondering about that one guy asking if he was Sexual and the rest of the Backstreet Boys affirming that he was
Big Boi is gonna whip Moyes’ ass why would he ever agree to this
BOOMER
Proving that beggars CAN be choosers, 0 out of the 9 stray cats I feed like the HEB Seafood Blend cat food. 9 out of 9 looked at me like, “AYFKM?”
SQUEESO
Look at this cool-ass cat
Store-bought squeezies like applesauce but filled with refried beans
Piss off to League One, Leicester