It took me decades of sitting with my stuckness to realize that every time I was stuck, I was actually just scared of the consequences.

All conflict stem from two questions.

1 Who is in charge?
2 And how much do you love me?

Address these two things without being defensive and most issues go
away.

Most people believe that we make logical decisions — and that to make better decisions, we need to be MORE logical.

But modern neurology shows us that all our decisions are made in the emotional center of the brain.

That means that if we want to transform our decision-making, we must go beyond frameworks that rely purely on logic.

It isn't that logic isn’t important – it absolutely is. The myth is that pure logic is enough.

But despite all the calculations, they end up more confused than when they started — trapped in an endless cycle of overthinking.

Studies show that when the emotional center of your brain is impaired, it takes hours to make a simple decision, like where to eat or what pen color to choose.



Why really smart people still make bad decisions:

Over the last two decades, I’ve worked with thousands of people who get stuck in analysis paralysis.

They think if they just analyze enough, research enough, and plan enough, they'll reach the perfect decision.

The next time you feel judgmental:

Ask yourself:

1. What would I have to feel if I couldn't judge the person I'm judging?
2. Feel it

That's the whole idea behind guilt and shame: To create a sense of obligation.

Hint: It’s impossible to love fully when you feel obligated or when you’re trying to make someone feel obligated.

Obligation, guilt, and shame are close cousins.

Guilt = Trying to make you feel obligated to do something.
Shame = Trying to make you feel obligated to be a certain way.

Being stuck in making a decision is an indication that you’re fighting your intuition.

Emotional abuse doesn’t just mean yelling or physical violence.

It includes anytime you use your emotions to control another person.

This can be anger, but it can also be fear or sadness.

How to know if you’re making a decision from fear or empowerment:

1 If you’re making the decision to try to manage the outcome, it’s from fear
2 If you’re following your truth despite the outcome, it’s from empowerment

Feeling stuck is an indicator that you’re not feeling an emotion all the way through.

The most common emotion trapped beneath stuckness is anger.

I was floored.

It reminded me that often the best teacher isn’t the expert — it’s someone who is one step ahead of you in the process.

A few years ago, I was leading a retreat and helping someone process their anger. But I kept failing at it. Nothing I did worked.

Then, someone who I had just helped on their anger went over, and helped this person break through in less than 30 seconds.

The most dangerous decisions aren't the risky ones.

They're the ones we make to avoid feeling something - whether it’s a fear of failure, rejection, or guilt.

If you’re dealing with a manipulative person, this one will f*ck with your head:

Manipulation is an attempt to get our needs met without owning our needs.

The most dangerous decisions aren't the risky ones.

They're the ones we make to avoid feeling something - whether it’s a fear of failure, rejection, or guilt.

Feeling afraid to make the wrong choice is a sign that you're already making the wrong choice.

Self-love is like gravity.

It’s always there, but we seldom recognize that we’re feeling it.

The more defensive you are about a belief you have, the more likely that that belief is standing in the way of your freedom.

Here’s a thought that our ego hates:

Connection is more of an allowing than a doing.
Enjoyment is more of an allowing than a doing.
Pleasure is more of an allowing than a doing.

Feeling is more of an allowing than a doing.

If you can’t love the emotion, love the resistance to the emotion.

Constantly trying to make sense of your emotions prevents you from hearing their wisdom

People often get confused when I tell them that all they need to do is “feel” in order to stop their bad habits.

Think of your bad habits as a hot frying pans. How do you drop a hot frying pan?

You feel it. That’s all.

Feel it fully, and you will let go.

I’ve spent decades working with thousands of couples.

What I’ve seen over and over again: The “death knell” of a relationship isn't loud fights or communication issues — it's disdain.

How would you have to see your inner voice to enjoy it as it is, without wanting to change it?

I was told that I was smart from a young age, but I didn’t recognize that I was cognitively intelligent until the age of 35.

I was lucky, because I didn’t latch onto it and make it my identity. By the time I recognized it, I saw intelligence the same way I saw hair color — a feature, but not me.

When do you feel most at peace with your emotions?

What circumstances lead to that feeling?

Key components of an Upright Apology:

1. It focuses on your own behavior, not theirs
2. It acknowledge your actions without buying into blame or shame
3. The apology is about your personal growth, not about making others happy