girl watching her werewolf boyfriend shapeshift into a wolf for the first time: wow. new ick unlocked

Telling my cat “You’re so smart and so strong and brave” even though I know it’s not true because you gotta just gas ‘em up sometimes.

Kafka understood that an even greater indignity than being turned into a giant insect was still being required to go to work afterward.

The world could be such a nice place if we allowed it. It's all so goddamn unnecessary. There's no need for any of it. It's so beautiful here. It should be so cool to be alive

Repeat after me: I am valid. I am loved. My terrible secret is safe. They'll never find out. My sinister ulterior motives remain unseen.

Bending over and seductively looking over my shoulder as I scoop the cat litter.

Universal Basic Income would be nice.
But what about Universal Basic Mossy Haunted Cottage By The Lake, and shelves overflowing with books, exotic teas, and curious bones collected from the forest?

a meme — the top says “My dog just got a haircut and now he looks like he gave up drinking and got his life together” and underneath are 2 photos of a dog (a schnauzer i think?). on the left, the “before,” he’s scruffy and in need of a haircut and a bath. and on the right, the “after,” he’s clean and clipped and wearing a jaunty red bow tie and looking very dapper indeed.

i don’t know if it’s the jaunty bow tie or what but i cannot stop laughing at this

Not sure why Punxsutawney Phil doesn’t bite people more often.

Various drawings of black cats with yellow eyes. Don't forget to be a little weirdo today.

Need a mental health year

Morning.

This is how I am with sweet treats.

When the host of Jeopardy is out for blood, YOU HAVE FUCKED UP

My new year's resolution this year, as every year, is to be a more available, supportive friend as well as an increasingly looming, formidable enemy.

sleep 5/5 stars no notes

A raccoon wearing a t shirt and birthday hat

when you’re mean to me today this is who you’re being mean to

tripped on a root this morning as i was haunting the mists and some of the townsfolk friggin saw me fall down

the state may fail us, but we do not have to fail each other

Leaving your body for science < leaving your body for the local zoo

My cat is an Orange Delicious, a breed I just made up.

a glory hole, but for baby corn

home shower hits different

In honor of World Migratory Bird Day, fuck off and fly away from all the bullshit dragging you down.

Drawing increasingly detailed and realistic dongs and balls every turn playing Pictionary, regardless of the clue. Tapping the page and drawing dark circles like I'm frustrated they aren't guessing something so obvious.

a burner phone full of puppy photos to give to federal agents when they ask to see my personal data

Here's the thing, every cat is the most important guy in the world

He looks like my son Rufus!

You write such gorgeous poetry! Thank you 💗

You're all wheel and no hamster.