Being able to love doesn't make us human - it's our ability to select all the pictures that include a bus.

'Nowledge Nugget:

Google was first going to be named Backrub.

Has a soup of the day ever made soup of the year?

Is it crude to make oil jokes right now?

Relit (a lover) is Ed's desire volatiler.

"Snitches Get Stitches" was not Dr. Seuss's best work

A misplaced decimal can make things a hundred times worse.

Never bring a spoon to a fork fight.

Say something - don't be Chai!

If dance instructors ran NASA launches:

"5, 6, 7, 8!"

Rock musicians don't break up with you. They cut a new single.

Anybody got any new crawdad jokes?

'Nowledge Nugget:

New Zealand's kakapo is the only flight-less parrot, with some weighing up to 8 pounds and all with small wings.

"Quoting dead philosophers makes you sound like an arse." - Plato.

You might not think contractions are hard for me to use correctly, but they're.

LOST:

Maze builder. Last seen on the way to work

Emu, Serene Gene. Resume!

You can stop arguing. I knew I lost 5 minutes ago. I'm just trying to make you mad!

For some, it is gym o'clock.

Sméagol's Playlist:
1. Precious
2. My Precious
3. The Precious

I watch the Padres with an Orsilloscope.

If you like "I Can't Believe This Got Made" TV series, check out 1973's "Dusty's Trail" on Fawesome - Gilligan concept but on a wagon train!

When a son or daughter stubs a toe, rush over and ask if they'll need a tow truck.

'Nowledge Nugget:

Bats are the only mammals that can fly. Some can glide.

Tried to join the new contortionist class, but my schedule wasn't flexible enough.

Big city traffic cops inspire me to be a better interpretive dancer.

When an airline pilot says, "I'm taking off today" is he working or not?

No matter how well-read you are, there's someone who is weller-read.

When you get Botox, you just look like someone who can afford Botox.

Every morning I remind my wife how happy she is.