Getting to a point where like 90% of my political thoughts are unpublishable. Gonna have to bring in the mind readers to get me, chumps

They should let one state just go full communist. Republicans love smirking about how California is run by “Radical Marxists” so maybe we could convince them to give Wisconsin to the People and see how it goes

I *have* seen The Emperor’s New Groove several many times

Been reading about how my generation is set to inherit the wealth of our boomer parents and it turns out my version of that is tillable soil 5,300 miles south of Philly.

I don’t know how 22 years of Philadelphia living and 15 years of navigating standup comedy has prepared me to farm llamas, but I’m gonna find out.

All my hard work grinding at open mics and doing shitty bar shows finally paid off. I inherited land.

things are looking bleak on the other site so I’ve returned to lurk

we should really just formalize august as a vacation month for everyone rather than the informal system we have now where half of everyone in every office is out and the other half can't get most of their work done because of the former

I always wanted to travel for work because I thought it would be a smorgasbord of dick and nightlife in different cities. Then I got a job that sends me to the worst places in America for a week of 6am meetings. Monkey’s Paw shit.

Last night some guy stuck his head out of a car window and called me Jeff Bezos. This is the only time I have been mistaken for rich.

I have bravely decided to take an imagined slight extremely personally

I’m a Six Flags gay not a Fire Island gay. It’s much cheaper per-ride if you do the math.

floors need cleaned and laundry needs done so I’m rolling up my sleeves and going on a long bike ride

once again, bluesky is a posting retirement community for elder millennials

Starship Troopers .gif “I’m doing my part”

wrote one work email today. The recipient’s office is closed until Wednesday. Welp!

I just need to know those Marriot bedbugs did their job and followed those awful M4L people home to feast. Bring me news of our bloodsucking comrades 🙏🏻

Waiter, there’s a Monday in my Fourth of July weekend, please send it back.