Precisely!

“I like tall men” “I like short men”
Listen, it’s not about the size of the man, it’s about how you use him.

Asked my husband how he wasn’t bothered watching my c section and he responded with “I chalk it up to watching all those pimple popping videos, see your belly was essentially a giant pimple and the c section was basically popping that pimple” I literally can’t with this man

My friend can actually do anything she sets her mind to and she always chooses the coolest things to fixate on

Me to my WHITE husband on the topic of b*nd*ge: so the thing is I have to always be dominant because I can’t let down my ancestors like that, not after everything.

Anyone who says you can’t keep a man if you don’t cook for him needs to get better at giving h*ad, because that’s just not true.

Me while looking up a list of female serial k*llers: I just love to see women in male dominated fields

Me: *flipping off an alien* I swear, this is the utmost sign of respect. Make sure you use it when we introduce you to our leaders. No one on this planet deserves it more

My husband wakes up before me every morning, resets my alarm so I get 8 hours of sleep. Then gets our 5 year old daughter ready for school, packs her lunch, and then drives her to school. And on top of that he brings me back coffee. I love him so much?? I hope everyone gets to be loved like that

There were better shows on Netflix when it cost $10 a month

I’m completely torn between wanting to stay updated on every single news story that’s breaking or just full embracing “no news is good news”

Anyone else feel like this right now?

They’re wild 😂

The fun thing about doing YouTube is my comments go from “you’re the most beautiful woman on Earth” to “you look like a man why is your jaw like that?”

Found this old video from 2023 ❤️

It’s good to make TikToks about the FTC because it reminds you that a whole lot of people have no idea how the fuck anything works.

For the past few months I started using every other social platform just to make sure I wouldn’t be addicted to TT and all my friends made fun of me because I was a “digital doomsday prepper” but now I’m chillin’

Aww I need my parents to start doing that too because I’m terrible at buying gifts

Petition for everyone to make a Christmas registry so I don’t have to be stressed trying to guess what gift someone would like.

They need to do a Henry Cavill look a like contest. No reason, I just think they should do it

People are like “you make your husband sound like he’s good at everything”

do y’all want me to get on here and post about every time he fails at something?! Because I’ll do it for a check 💰

Friendly reminder that if you don’t print off your baby’s first Christmas photo and put it in a frame. 5 years later that baby will grow up and ask why their frame is empty and you will have to run to Walgreens on a random Thursday night to get it printed. Ask me how I know

I’m powered by ✨protein shakes and mental illness✨

Pro tip: if you run 6-10 miles everyday, you’ll be too tired to be h*rny on main. Follow for more life hacks 🫶🏾

This is my audition to be Luigi mangione’s criminal defense lawyer:

*clears throat* your honor, my client is already SERVING, it would be redundant to make him do time”

Trying to figure out if doing a shot and then going for a run is a good decision or a bad decision. Maybe it’s just a morally grey decision.

“Be careful what you post or you’ll never get hired anywhere”
Listen, I’ll be fine. If no one will hire me, I’ll just run for president, they let anyone do that job. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I never mastered the firm handshake, but I did master handj*bs and what I learned is that it’s a transferable skill

Lmao 😂

The moment I realized there’s nothing actually stopping me from wearing my cloaks in public winter became a whole lot warmer. Added bonus? I look like I’m ready to ride a dragon into battle.

Got rear ended and had to google what to do. This situation has literally never come up before.