Head feels weird now cuz of the pain discussion stuff... Idk, I just wish I could get better but I only get worse

I got a cup of s'mores ice cream and yes, I can fit this into my day safely. Also it's really good, I like marshmallow ice cream a lot

I showered at least, now my hair doesn't feel so disgusting

It sucks how endless my pain is, and how no one can figure out what it is... It's depressing, to say the least

Random unplanned ice cream trip... I can fit this into my day, I swear...

And now fucking leaf blowers too???? This is such garbage there's been zero seconds of peace today this fucking sucks so much.

Just the worst noises today. Fire alarms, hammering, now there's like metal cutting noises??? Idk if they've even started on the parking garage yet either, I'm dreading it so much...

I definitely need a shower today, my hair feels awful

He's also gonna take me out on a date next week somewhere nice cuz he really, really wants to still. And he's coming over to play games with me and spend the night. I miss him a lot he hasn't been around for a whole week and I've barely even gotten phone calls and texts...

Bf helped pay for groceries and I'm so grateful. I have lean burgers, buns, bread, cookies, english muffins, cheese, eggs, potstickers, frozen yogurt, soda, and even more now I'm so appreciative I'm happy he's so willing to help a poor sack of shit like me lol

Also it does suck that my meds are night meds, and only work when I'm asleep..it's good that I can sleep sometimes now, two days in a row is great. But I still have to be in agony all day long, it's miserable. I literally cannot wait for bed every day, and that's a sad way to go through a day

Also ouch got kicked in the teeth with depression suddenly :( why do I have to be sad every day? I don't like it

This month has really sucked I just wanted at least weight loss but I guess I can't have anything, huh

I ate way way way more than I thought I did yesterday (I binged) and just ugh. I probably ruined everything this month, I'm so disappointed in myself...

Ate a lotta snacks today and had a large coffee, but I honestly deserve some treats. Gonna hope I sleep tonight since I have to do some things tomorrow, and my bf is coming over at night

I finally get to see my bf again after like, a week... Not for long, but I'll enjoy what time I get

At least I burned too much the day before, so maybe yesterday can be counted as maintenance safely...

I need to be a lot stricter with spending money for sure. I need to stop buying groceries as much as I do and just try to get creative with what I have, too. And use the food bank again. Then maybe we can have any savings, but idk. Rent is also going up

Also I gained so much weight I know I did I can tell I don't even wanna look I'm so miserable this month has been so bad I had one good thing going for me and I fucked that up to. I can't have anything, I'm a terrible person and I don't deserve anything anyway.

I complain the most and get the least amount of comfort so how the fuck am I not supposed to hate myself and think I'm pushing everyone away by whining?

I don't wanna be spoiled by anyone cuz I already spoil myself..I deserve the suffering that comes from me being a selfish asshole.

Gf wants something and now she can't get it cuz of me and I hate myself I hate spending money and I'm so fucking selfish.

I feel like a jerk for spending so much for our anniversary. We had more money, and I wasted it like a jerk on chocolate and cake and takeout. I'm such an asshole, I only think about myself and then get upset when financially we can't do things

I would be upset if my mom mentioned my ex too just like... Why mention it, and why specifically to tell you that they're happy and in love?? So weird...

I want taquitos so bad now omg

I've been crying so much this morning. I feel like I'm not allowed to sleep, to eat, to see my boyfriend, to spend quality time with my girlfriend. I feel like I'm punished for trying to be okay so much :(

I miss my boyfriend so much I never get to see him I barely get to hear from him I take any second I can and it hurts so much when I can't get that lil bit of time in whenever it's offered because of some random bullshit getting in the way every fucking time :(

Yeah I don't get to see bf today now cuz of this and I'm trying not to cry my eyes out :( I wanted to see him to cheer me up cuz I'm so miserable, and now I can't.

I just wanted to see my bf this morning so I could have something nice but now he has to get checked up and then write a whole report so idk how long it's gonna be and he's gonna be so tired :(

Bf got bit at work :( I'm really worried now, I hate this.