Miss you too text me whenever (just not in a group text with 8000 messages a day)

If you log in to Sleeper now you can still make your last four picks (slow draft)

I miss you

Well, I don’t know what to tell you. I didn’t know you abandoned Twitter and your account over there is still active. If you don’t want to be in, I can find someone to assume your autodraft team and $20 entry (it’s a pretty good team)

Are you still in this year? I assumed you were and that you were seeing the many messages in the group DM on Twitter you are still in

I wrote a book from 2011-2016. It was a novel-in-stories, and all of it was published in various literary magazines of repute from 2013-2017.

Anyway, as one does, I tried to get an agent and failed. I submitted it to indies, and they also did not want it (stories don’t sell)

No way baby

Anyway, if you want to buy a copy of it, you can. DM me and I’ll share the link if I trust you. I’m not posting my legal name on Bluesky (or X) for a multitude of reasons.

This is because she’s the best. I wouldn’t have done this myself, like ever. But when she gave it to me, it was really great to have a physical copy of this book that I worked on for years.

I came in second place in multiple book contests! It was wild shit. But no one would put it out.

So then it just sat on my computer for the last 8 years.

For my 40th birthday, my wife surprised me and had it made as a print on demand Amazon hardcover.

I wrote a book from 2011-2016. It was a novel-in-stories, and all of it was published in various literary magazines of repute from 2013-2017.

Anyway, as one does, I tried to get an agent and failed. I submitted it to indies, and they also did not want it (stories don’t sell)

Soup is the window to the bowl

She laughed out loud at this!

3 days to find a backpack? Didn’t realize my friggin wife was NYPD!!

To make your little quips and jokes like this is TOO FAR. You cannot shoot off at the mouth about sensitive topics such as Patagonia’s high-quality, built-for-life outerwear and expect your insensitivity to go unnoticed!!!

Fellas, don’t you hate it when the duvet slips out of its cover like a friggin prolapsed anus?!??

You mean to tell me the Chicago Bears lost a *checks notes* one score game?

You paying? I’m down, if so. Very generous of you!

STOP THE CAR

I know because you are a rich Midwestern boy, you can’t fathom that Rhode Island and Plymouth are close together but that my elementary school did not have the budget or inclination for a 15 hour drive up to Newfoundland for a field trip.

Don’t go to Plymouth Rock! It sucks so fucking much!

Lots of cool history stuff in New England but you can definitely skip seeing an average sized rock.

You gotta spend $2K to go see this dumb rock, ZW

It’s probably not even the real rock! The whole story sounds more metaphorical than literal!

Just want to say there is absolutely no monument or park that is as boring and underwhelming as Plymouth Rock. Literally a medium-sized rock in a hole in the ground. Went there on a field trip as a child and was expecting something amazing. It’s like a mini-fridge-sized stone. Who cares!

For those going home to visit family this weekend:

• Samsung calls it Auto Motion Plus
• LG calls it TruMotion
• Sony calls it Motionflow
• Roku calls it Action Smoothing
• Google TV calls it Motion Enhancement
• Vizio calls it Smooth Motion Effect.

Multiple children’s films in the same calendar year about migration because Illumination and Dreamworks are preparing your kids to be climate refugees unlike the boomer coward, Bob Iger in this essay I will explain…

Yes

Powerman 5000? In this economy? I’d think he’d have to be at least the powerman 12,500 by now.

The Macbeth episode of Wishbone was nuts, man

It’s not an adaptation of The Wizard of Oz, ZW. It’s like a narrative prequel.