met a girl so beautiful and alluring i cannot imagine her farting

no new pope fanfic yet.. i need to get on it

getting concerningly into every hobby i pick up in order to cope with the stress of existing

i need to log AWFFFF bc all i’m getting is either weight loss or anorexia recovery content!!!! bruh let a woman live

wearing white pants today yes I’m better than everybody else

fucking idiot!!!!

300mg of caffeine and 150mg of effexor really has my neurons at peak performance and me feeling all my feelings

need husband to go get drafted so i can experience yearning again

did my taxes two months early, got all my green card docs together 1 month early.. guys, wtf

it’s bed time!! which means it’s time to go insane over how asymmetrical my face is

everyone online is always asking how to get one of those remote email jobs that pay six figures… i fear i have one of those. what you need: 1) a masters degree you paid too much for, 2) “know” SQL

soooo charming when a hot girl talks about farting

i need the biggest ice latte the world has ever seen rn

i already have a spouse but maybe i should get a second one because i’m soooo wife material

wait no 1 should be disney adults

worst types of adults:

1. picky eaters
2. lispers
3. invisaligners
4. blond men

cold uncuts if ya nasty

the bella hadid part of my brain be like “i wish i was a pickier eater so i could be sk*nny” but then i’d have to be a Picky Eater 💩

no skeets left behind

no babe your <1% juice is perfect, the 100% juices scare me

i’ve got meat on my bones and hate in my heart

linkedin: deleted app
facebook: deleted app
twitter: deactivated
tiktok: deactivated
instagram: muted
reddit: muted

y’all i’m close to rawdogging existence pls check in on me often

yo mama so fat the US annexed canada just to make room for her on the map

yo mama so american and fat they renamed it gulf of america bc when she jumped in it, it stopped being international waters and became US territory

look at my babies… it’s not fair to everyone else

a little $8 beverage might save my life right now actually

it’s happening…. after 12 years in the US i am finally changing my keyboard to English (US) 😭😭😭