I didn't want to say anything until I was sure...but I can reliably spell vacuum now!!!

Nice evening for 'sloppy 2nds' i.e., 2 helpings of sloppy joes.

Fact: Mike Johnson looks like all the vantriliquist dolls you've ever fucking seen.

Headline was a misprint and should read, "The FBI Director Is OWI" but we know what they meant.

I kind of gave up on it. I earnestly want to cut the person in half at the torso but don't want 3 college credits on YouTube to do it. 😔

In WI a person may legally pass alcohol to their kid of any age and allow them to drink.

Life hack: A couple shots fireball before the first day of preschool helps take the edge off.

pink peony club 🤔

I will give them credit for a decent approach speed and a solid stop.

They're horrible, especially at night. When they roll a stop sign from behind a parked car and there I am. I tend to rip up and slam on the brakes last second while remaining 'dead in the eyes.' 😂. They can't see peripherally even during day shadows.

Most of us should be fine doing the double claw hands when dancing to the Dracula song.

Remember to ground yourself on the metal part of the table.

A veterinary place which prints out paperwork porpportionial to pet size as if they would be reading it in a society revolving around their size:

A horse might get their shots list or whatever on huge 30" by 50" poster boards while a chihuahua puppy might get 2" by 4" sized paperwork w tiny words.

🌪

Were gonna steam roll maga after the midterms. By that I mean we'll literally drive over and squish maga people with municipal road construction steam rollers.

However it's nice to know how to make an air passage with scissors and a rolled up paper plate if one isn't feeling like performing the heimlich maneuver.

I was about 55% confident I'd make it to the voting place until the "end civilations" tweet and I was voter #14. What a shitshow.

The green dude in the background getting theirs done too

But seriously Easter should be another scary holiday like Halloween and Dia de Muertx.

OMG what if today is the first day of "Deadster," the new spring solstice based holiday which is celebrated for hundreds of years?!

Can someone please do an online yes/no poll so we can know for sure?

Boris the Animal!

..."and I brought back Happy Easter...can you imagine that? The criminal democrats, and they're not democratic, want to make it unhappy, but I say Happy Easter...and ya know who else will have a happy Easter? The evangelicals...and Jesus. And they have a ham. Did you know that? I love the ham!..."

People fell into 2 categories before GPS:

1) the people who would give 148 seconds of a dozen turn by turn detailed directions you wouldn't remember.

2)The people who let us follow them to the highway (unless they got a yellow light, then split second decision time)

Has anything ever looked less holy than Donald and Melania Trump standing in a church?

sounds like they need their brain squished with a forceps 🧠 ✂

🎶 Andy Kaufman in the wrestling match, yeah yeah yeah yeah 🎶

Admittedly I'm kind of a 'fanboy' of your work but I like the slight lack of symmetry. It clearly wasn't mass manufactured and is therefore distinct. Very cool piece...

*mentally adds cigar and sunglasses

"We'll cut their dicks when they're babies, but after that no more dick cutting is allowed..." -evangelicals

tailpipe