Mad to think that Christmas was seven months ago.

My supervisor is such a dick.

More Space X debris falling in Glasgow this morning. #litterbug #spacekaren

I'm afraid I'm not willing Togo to those lengths.

Look out for really bad African country puns doing the rounds on here. I saw Somalia and they were awful.

Can't believe it's the 409th of January already.

One day Katie Price will break her silence and allow us to gain an insight into the shrouded world of this enigmatic woman.

Trump is such a dick.

[brainstorm]

Boss: Anyone got anything?
Me: Cat-Sue's, a katsu cat cafe run by a cat lover called Sue.
Boss: We're selling insurance.
Me: In-SUE-rance?
Boss: Who the fuck is Sue?
Me: I don't have anything.

So TikTok gets banned in America just as the planets align for the first time in 396 billion years. Coincidence? Yes.

14 months since December payday. Googling how important it is to have both kidneys.

[consoling teenage daughter after break up]

Me: What happened?

Daughter: He said holibobs.

Me: *grabs car keys* Wait here!

I haven't felt that uncomfortable listening to something since Robbie Williams put out Rudebox

My camera's not working but imagine a sunrise.

What you don't see on the Great Pottery Throwdown is the producers poking that poor man with a stick to make him cry. I originally thought he was just crying about pots.

Winter when you think spring's arrived.

'We're not out of the woods yet' - annoying sat nav.

Trump: 'We should call them American wildfires'

Maybe they're just drones.

I'm not easily offended, but do ask me before you trim my eyebrows. Also make sure you're a barber and that I'm getting my haircut at the time.

You've heard of elf on the shelf. Annoying isn't it.

Love thy neighbour. Unless it's Tony.

Saw this image of Sean Connery in the 80s and all I could think was 'shocker!'

Kids these days don't understand the true joy of Christmas mornings.

I think my body clock needs new batteries.

Monkey relaxing with his shark. As you were.

Me: Why didn't the tanning salon down the road advertise a Brown Friday sale instead?

Interviewer: I meant questions about the job.

Something I've learnt today, it's really hard to discreetly pluck out a long nose hair on a train. Especially when the person wakes up and starts throwing punches.

Say what you like about Joseph Stalin. He died years ago.

I found out why my computer keeps freezing. Apparently I've got too many windows open.