Fuck it we’ll do it dead

why do things like this never happen to me

I get to the airport at the exact right time every time. Anyone arriving any earlier than me is a sap, anyone arriving any later is a reckless nut.

This Is Just To Say

I have turned off
the AI features
that were in
the update

and which
you were probably
hoping
to monetize

Fuck you
they were stupid
so unnecessary
and so annoying

Was talking to my buddy about how much 4/20 means to me when I realized I was actually speaking with the cookie jar in my kitchen.

Hey everybody! I am taking the helm of this classic American institution with @theonion.com and want to know what you fine folks would like to see from us.

Infowars/Onion combo logo in rainbow saying “I support the onion’s hostile media takeover.”

It’s finally happened. After 18 months. Finally, a media merger you can root for.

With the help of the Sandy Hook families, The Onion has reached a long-awaited deal to take over InfoWars.

We've enlisted the help of @timheidecker.bsky.social, who will be InfoWars' Creative Director.

Please stand by for more.

So the whole thing comes down to the pope denying that Jesus was pro-war? Is this why I keep seeing reports that Leo and Trump are "feuding"? Yes, but that framing, which is all over the media, is totally wrong. Leo and Trump aren't "feuding," and Trump did not "hit back," "strike back," or "return fire" against the pope. Trump has repeatedly launched unprovoked military actions that he and his lieutenants have attempted to cloak in the language of Christian righteousness. The pope has said that Christian righteousness is incompatible with unprovoked war. Trump has publicly mocked, derided, and attacked the pope; the pope hasn't attacked Trump at all. A feud requires the participation of two people. If you say, "We should respect the sovereignty of each individual, for we are all children of God," and I say, "Fuck you, you dirty hippie," what we have is not a feud. What we have is a principled person trying to have a conversation with an asshole.

Me trying to quickly think up a fake name but the only other object in the room is the president

“It’s a couple of things that work beautifully in concert. First: no music. Audiences are so sophisticated, but what they’re not accustomed to is not being told how to feel,” Wyle says. “You take all that out and it forces a level of engagement where you’re now looking for clues within the frame of the screen, which forces you to look up from your phone. And I think that is extremely engaging, especially to young viewers who aren’t accustomed to being asked to participate in a nonpassive way in the viewing experience.

“Second point, shooting it with almost exclusively 50-millimeter or 65-millimeter lenses, which is the most comparable to the human eye—and only shooting from the point of view of a human being that’s present in this space. There are no cameras on gurney wheels going in the hallway. There’s no cameras on the ceiling looking down from a God point of view. You are limited to the perspective of a participant. You can look away, but you can’t leave, and it becomes an endurance test for you to stay on your feet as long as we’re on our feet. Which [brings me to my] third point: real time. Real time has an aggregate sense of tension that you don’t get in any other form of storytelling. What happened before is happening now, and these two things are going to add up to the next thing. And if we throw more ingredients into this cooker and keep ratcheting it up, it’s going to pop.”

Wyle makes eye contact for his next point, delivering it with a Robby-esque matter-of-factness. “Fourth point: The election went the other way,” he says with a shrug. “We could have been a really good show with a lot of nice things to say in a perfectly normal Kamala Harris universe. And instead we became almost a beacon of hope and humanity in an alternative universe. But in the midst of that, fifth point—this is essentially competence porn. You’re watching really smart, dedicated people do what only they know how to do at a level that you don’t know how to do it, and you’re so fucking glad that they’re there doing it, and compartmentalizing their own stuff to put your broken pieces back together. You’re so reassured by knowing that there are people out there that laugh and joke and have the ability to lock in like that.”

this is fucking unreal stuff from Noah Wyle on the magic of The Pitt. www.gq.com/story/noah-w...

Picture of Orson tuxedo kitty sitting upright leaning against the armrest of a chair looking at camera, posing like the very best possible boy he is.

Not the best photo quality, but damn i love lil' Orson's pose in this photo.

If they blast you in the ass cheek with an assault rifle, turn the other ass cheek toward them and say unto them “do your worst fuckboi”

Sorry I yelled “FINISH HIM” at your son’s circumcision

My father was a relentlessly self-degrading casino owner from Queens with high grade sociopathy and a penchant for buggery. He would womanize, he would tweet. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the phrase "prime the pump." Sometimes he would accuse popes of being weak on crime.

Reddit post from the subreddit "r/cats" titled "how to take the perfect photo of your cat." [person holding a phone with a piece of salami covering the top of it while the cat looks intensely at it]

it'll be back in three days

The Pope has never had a #1 record. The Pope has no idea how to make a hit record. I think maybe The Pope should take a seat and listen to what Phil Spector has to say.

really good images of the model of NYC they made for the hudsucker proxy from an old issue of cinefex

Saying the Pope is weak on crime is like saying "the pope is weak on crime" (there are no good analogies for how fucking stupid that is; it's a category that contains exactly one example)

crimepope

(watching Homicide: Life on the Street) Melissa Leo is WEAK on Crime!

Shout out to Hungary and whatnot.

Ooh child
Things are gonna get stupider
Ooh child
Things'll get dumber

I filmed a four-hour documentary about feet. I've shot a lot of footage.

Ann Burnham, “Woodland Trees.”

#printmaking #linocut #contemporary #AnnBurnham

The image shows a work of art entitled "Old High Street" by artist Joseph Winkelman. The work depicts a snowy street in the evening or night, with streetlights illuminating the path and roofs. A figure can be seen walking down the street, adding depth and scale to the scene.

Joseph Winkelman (1941) is an American-born etcher and relief printmaker. His work is characterized by an emotional and romantic response to the natural and man-made environment. His imagery frequently explores landscapes, rocks, mountains, and architectural scenes, such as those of Oxford colleges.

Frank C. Eckmair, Parkside,1963