... by Calvin Klein

We keep trying to stop you

I get blimpsick if I have to face backwards on the blimp

After last night's conversation she no longer counts as a booty call and is subject to my no dating while heartbroken policy. She also 'jokingly' suggested we go on holiday to Thailand. That's not casual talk.

Talking about losing my spouse visa in 2 months, the woman I was with suggested I should marry her in a way that was only half joking. I caught a glimpse of my most depressing possible future: marrying someone I like for practical reasons while the woman I love marries someone else. All the nope.

I owe Harry Styles an apology. I spent the last 9 years thinking Sign of the Times was a cover of a late 80s/early 90s song by… Scorpions, maybe? Guns N’ Roses? It’s a banger.

I want to be served the weirdest ads

*searches memory banks for duck sex trivia*

I’m thinking corkscrew dick gang rape?

why don’t cartons of detergent have pictures of missing socks on them

Introduced a 'booty calls don't count' amendment to my no dating while heartbroken rule, and I think it's important - vital, even - that after vigorous debate it passed with unanimous consent. This is democracy in action.

Honestly, I think we lost all confidence when we noticed the bird shit on your face.

Neigh thank you.

in the book ‘of mice and men,’ curly didn’t always wear a glove to keep one hand soft for his wife, no, he was just a really big michael jackson fan. not a lot of people know that.

if i were in charge of moria i simply would not delve so greedily and so deep

eternal sunshine of the spotless minding myself by sliding a chopstick four inches into my eye socket and just sorta swirling it around a little

I wonder if the brain worms feel good, like a little massage inside your head

At this point I'm willing to take a shot. I wonder if I can bribe them to eat specific memories.

ever since i was a little kid i always knew i did not want to become an adult no thank you why is this happening

incontinent adult baby fetish guy coming home from work and changing into a different diaper like mr. rogers

No. Pass. Let's try again tomorrow.

to defeat math you need to think like a number

Normalising throwing predators out of the bar. One strike and you're out. No soup for you.

You know Bucky has some weird Temu lavender oil diffuser built into that arm. Doesn't work for shit but he swears by it. "It really elevates my calm." STFU, Bucky.

POV: You're on your home planet. Your society suffers from a problem that seems intractable but can probably be solved by the right people in roughly 44 minutes.

You, meeting the crew of the Enterprise: Hey, why y'all wearing matching onesies?

Cope diem

Maybe this isn’t even about me. Maybe her thumb slipped. Maybe it was an idle, passing thought. Maybe she just has a crush on Jake Gyllenhaal, because who fucking doesn’t? Thanks, I hate it.

Sloooooowly getting better. Not ready for anything yet but I was hit on by several women in the bar last night, which really fucking helps the healing. Then I checked IG for reels she liked because I’m a self sabotaging masochist idiot. Unrequited love in the social media era is a shit show.

I've not been following this story much, but if memory serves it was pretty widely understood that this was the reason for his appointment at the time.

This kind of clear, direct, chalant communication is my kink. Go you :)

introducing Bluesky's new "Do Not Disturb" mode. now available to everyone