I’m not afraid of Trader Joseph. Or his parking lot.

[seductively] NO ONE outpizzas The Hut.

not actually interested in the “you espresso”. do you have the regular kind

Lmfao

Calling it right now. And no one can ever argue with me. Because we don’t actually know lmao

They are married with kids. Thats all there is to it.

[quiet sobbing]

I will never know what actually happened to Jaime and Brienne because that man is never going to finish those books. Especially now. Fuck.

Sneeeeew

Snewin’

Sorry but I was on Twitter.

Those are fruit snacks, girl. Not a bird.

Stealing them more obviously.

My cat

Cats are weird and bendy

My cat just stole my fruit snacks and ran off with them so fucking fast and they all spilled out and I’m literally crying I’m laughing so hard. What just happened. Why was I on stupid Twitter and not recording every second of her life. Why. I did get these, lmao.

That’s Kelly. She’s gonna get what she wants. But she’s with Alice Cullen. And that’s nice.

These are the shoes of a killer, betch

Craving relaxation and rest and not physically being able to, even on your days off, is exhausting.

Here you are

I can try! Lol

Snoqualmie Falls is gay as hell

[trying to figure out Bluesky]

So you like waterfalls…

Interesting.

[offers another one]

I do what I want

That there is a Cascade [tips hat]

It’s so good for me

I’m not ready 🥲

Right?! This is right there in my very own county.

I have a tiny crush on our UPS guy. After he left on Tuesday I asked my work friend if she’d ever seen Legally Blonde and she immediately said “where are you going with this” and LMFAOOO. Women.

The saxophone at the beginning of “Run Away With Me” by Carly Rae Jepson makes me feel like I could rip a car door off of its hinges.

this too shall pass. to make room for a new, worse thing

Why I left the Midwest so I get it

I’m an embarrassment but I am such a big fan of my state lol

I feel like you don't appreciate my broadcasting my descent into madness

Always ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I would have given you sympathy lmao

NOOO