The Motherfucking Tundra

Sorry I haven’t been online lately.

Canadian bacon tastes like regular bacon but thanks you for eating it.

I started getting phone calls from recruiters and I’m not job searching. How were these people getting my phone number? LinkedIn was doing it even though it wasn’t public- or so I thought. To fix this: Go to Settings > Visibility > Profile discovery using phone number > Nobody.

Coffee makes the world go round.

Did they destroy the Death-star?

Recycling, but called, Only Cans.

My family Crest is toothpaste.

Can I still Instacart during WWIII?

LAPD surrounding a protester.

If you watch the LA footage in B&W it looks like Germany in the 1930s.

You can't use reason to get someone out of an opinion they didn't use reason to get.

I've had a self-imposed curfew for years.

my family crest is a Grey Goose

4,974 people are named Orange.

I like my chocolate like I like my humor: Dark and bitter.

There's a special place in hell for people who talk-to-text in public.

It’s the Kristo Klepto Kakistocracy, Charlie Brownshirt.

Not to brag, but I remembered why I walked into the kitchen this morning on the third try.

I noticed you unfollowed me. Is it because you hate joy and laughter?

The next sundress I buy will be guacamole colored.

ohhhhhhhhhhhh tow mater because he’s a tow truck

I must have been drunk when I made this grocery list bc next to baby spinach I put “aw”

If you feel like time is going by too fast, get on a treadmill.

Don't mind me. I'll just be over here being a Trav.

I’m basically Abraham Lincoln writing stuff then burning it by candle light. I mean deleting it.

Sup

I’ve been busy being amazing.