it's 16° and sunny in putney so don't judge me.

my bike goes in for a service tomorrow so obviously I've just given it a pre-service service, because I'd rather my dad walked in on my auto-erotic asphyxiated corpse than my mechanic think I neglect my chain.

traffic warden, cyclist, shoplifter and paedo.

she is BEAUTIFUL and a PRINCESS and you are honoured to know her.

best in the business.

browsing linkedin and really sorry to see your mum's left her job.

local has had a refurb. clearly... it needs another. @dankackroyd.bsky.social have a fucking word.

happy january payday to all who celebrate. enjoy eating things that aren't heated by a kettle.

on her majesty's secret serviced apartments for over 65s.

fortunately my geocities erotic manga site is still kicking. tick my visitor counter into triple digits!

well thank god for the UK warning us. he must be stopped at all costs.

me: what christmas film did you watch when wrapping the presents?

@youwouldknow.bsky.social: silence of the lambs.

catholic contraceptive route map, nyc.

if you live on a boat... but are not... blind

fucking movember. I've had a stache since 2015. my culture is not your costume.

my group of friends spans from the 1970s-1990s with nary a mention of it.

teenage me, born in september, talking to a schoolfriend born the following july:

alright non-nazi twitter? it's been a while. been living my hot girl summer, but now I'm in a chunky knit it's time to maybe give this another punt.

anything happened in the news recently?

discovering there's only two sheets of paper left once you've already been on the toilet for five minutes is equal parts a lesson in frugality and origami.

if oasis were playing at the bottom of my garden I'd shut the fucking curtains.

it's good escapist fun and florence pugh, mother may I?

my instant response was "I'll give a tube to complain about" but immediately disgusted myself, so, umm... fuck off, everybody!

aw, thanks visitors of sw london. don't come back.😘

been awake since 5am local (3am UK/body clock)

agree. I'd sooner listen to andy parsons and joe pasquale.

don't worry I won't, you fucking lunatic.

in the airport and there's a poshboy stag do next to us.

hope they enjoy sharing their singular gram of persil they buy from a meathulk in Riga for two hundred euros.

silly little lunchbreak walk in the metropolis of london.

how I take criticism