However, it is well known that most people don't listen. They use the time when someone else is speaking to think of what they're going to say next.

𝘗𝘺𝘳𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘥𝘴

The planet Earth is now banned to an alien races until they can compare notes and find out how many, if any, real humans they have actually got. It is gloomily suspected that there is only one who is big, hairy and has very large feet.

𝐻𝑜𝑔𝒻𝒶𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇

He smacked the club down again. He roared. There were no words there. It was a sound from before words. If there was any meaning in it at all, it was a lament that he couldn’t cause enough pain.

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑭𝒊𝒇𝒕𝒉 𝑬𝒍𝒆𝒑𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒕

Wizards parted with money slightly less readily than tigers parted with their teeth.

𝑬𝒒𝒖𝒂𝒍 𝑹𝒊𝒕𝒆𝒔

"Seein' is believin'," said Granny, calmly. "Of course, the trouble is that believin' is also seein', and there's been too much of that round here lately."

𝑀𝒶𝓈𝓀𝑒𝓇𝒶𝒹𝑒

It was dawning on him that the pleasures of the flesh were pretty sparse without the flesh. Suddenly life wasn't worth living. The fact that he wasn't living it didn't cheer him up at all.

𝑾𝒚𝒓𝒅 𝑺𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒔

The wizards were good at wind, weather being a matter not of force but of lepidoptery. As Archchancellor Ridcully said, you just had to know where the damn butterflies were.

𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝐿𝒶𝓈𝓉 𝐻𝑒𝓇𝑜

A world like that, which exists only because the gods enjoy a joke, must be a place where magic can survive. And sex too, of course.

Equal Rites

Perhaps the magic would last. Perhaps it wouldn't. But then, what does?

Guards! Guards!

"I wondered about that," said Nanny. "Then I thought maybe I was imagining things."
"No point in imagining anything," said Granny. "Things are bad enough as they are."

𝑾𝒊𝒕𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒔 𝑨𝒃𝒓𝒐𝒂𝒅

She seemed to have spent her whole life trying to make herself small, trying to be polite, apologizing when people walked over her, trying to be good-mannered. And what had happened? People had treated her as if she was small and polite and good-mannered.

Lords and Ladies

"When people say ‘we must move with the times’ they really mean ‘you must do it my way.’"

𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓕𝓲𝓯𝓽𝓱 𝓔𝓵𝓮𝓹𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓽

His progress through life was hampered by his tremendous sense of his own ignorance, a disability which affects all too few people.

𝑴𝒂𝒔𝒌𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒅𝒆

"I ain't against adventure, in moderation," said Granny, "but not when I'm eatin'."

𝒲𝒾𝓉𝒸𝒽𝑒𝓈 𝒜𝒷𝓇𝑜𝒶𝒹

"How do you get all those coins?" asked Mort.
IN PAIRS, said Death.

𝘔𝘰𝘳𝘵

It's tangled, but it ain't twisted.

𝑴𝒂𝒔𝒌𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒅𝒆

It is essential for humans to use the personal pronoun. It divides the universe into two parts. The darkness behind the eyes, where the little voice is, and everything else.

𝓣𝓱𝓲𝓮𝓯 𝓸𝓯 𝓣𝓲𝓶𝓮

It wasn't far to Money Trap Lane. It was in a ghetto of what Lord Rust would probably call "skilled artisans," the people too low down the social scale to be movers and shakers but slightly too high to be easily moved or shook.

𝓙𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓸

"Well, we are wizards," said Ridcully. "We're supposed to meddle with things we don't understand. If we hung around waitin' till we understood things we'd never get anything done."

𝘐𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘛𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴

The famous Battle of Morpork, he strongly suspected had consisted of about two thousand men lost in a swamp on a cold, wet day, hacking one another into oblivion with rusty swords.

𝒲𝓎𝓇𝒹 𝒮𝒾𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓈

You know, I used to think I was stupid, and then I met philosophers.

𝒮𝓂𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝒢𝑜𝒹𝓈

Vimes would be the first to admit that he wasn't a good copper, but he'd probably be spared the chore because lots of other people would happily admit it for him.

Men at Arms

Other theories about the ultimate start involve gods creating the universe out of the ribs, entrails and testicles of their father. (Gods like a joke as much as anyone else.) Hey, kids, which part do you think they made your town out of?

𝘓𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘓𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘦𝘴

The bustle of the pre-nuptial activities rose up from the town. There'd be folkdancing, of course—there seemed to be no way of preventing it—and probably folksinging would be perpetrated.

𝓛𝓸𝓻𝓭𝓼 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓛𝓪𝓭𝓲𝓮𝓼

"We don’t use people as furniture," said Susan.
"But surely they will not be aware of it," said her ladyship.
"We will," said Lobsang. "That’s the point, really."

𝒯𝒽𝒾𝑒𝒻 𝑜𝒻 𝒯𝒾𝓂𝑒

The bustle of the pre-nuptial activities rose up from the town. There'd be folkdancing, of course—there seemed to be no way of preventing it—and probably folksinging would be perpetrated.

𝑳𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑳𝒂𝒅𝒊𝒆𝒔

"It's certain death anyway," said Ridcully. "That's the thing about Death, certainty."

Lords and Ladies

The culture of the river kingdom had a lot to say about death and what happened afterward. In fact it had very little to say about life, regarding it as a sort of inconvenient prelude to the main event and something to be hurried through as politely as possible.

𝓟𝔂𝓻𝓪𝓶𝓲𝓭𝓼

"That’s something everyone knows about vampires..." In fact there are many things everyone knows about vampires, without really taking into account that perhaps the vampires know them by now, too.

Carpe Jugulum

"Why are our people going out there," said Mr. Boggis of the Thieves' Guild.
"Because they are showing a brisk pioneering spirit and seeking wealth and…additional wealth in a new land," said Lord Vetinari.

𝒥𝒾𝓃𝑔𝑜