hey man we all noticed your posts are getting really whimsical lately i just wanted to tell you i'm proud of you for connecting with your lighter nature again

No offense but why would you decide to go big if the other option is to go home

plants should be able to suck oxygen back from people they don’t like

sorry, but i'm really not interested in anything that involves getting out of bed

no thank you “shake shack” i prefer seismically safe restaurants

Against my nana’s better judgment, I will debate religion and politics with you. But I will refrain from bringing up that most taboo of subjects: jazz

OMG this is awful. Sending him all things good ♾️🫂

Open message to any squirrels that might be reading this: It's OK to let me approach you, I mean you no harm, in fact I believe we could one day become powerful allies

The squirrels are being particularly squirrelly today.

i’m pretty much down for anything cinnamon

if you’re looking for someone with orange cat energy i’m your girl

I SAID I'M RESTING TODAY

whenever i see someone looking at their phone and smiling i can only imagine they are, at that very moment, unfollowing me

Sharon, Lois & Bram Stoker’s Dracula

Adults need candy necklaces and bracelets more than children do.

remember, you can’t fail without ai

*replaces blood with advil liqui-gel

When the going gets tough, I start crying

Bread should be a form of currency

“Why are you like this?”

I DON’T FUCKING KNOW BRO

-me, to me

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you’re holding something in one hand and you come across a task that requires TWO hands, it’s okay to just go ahead and put the first thing down.

I’m just here for the vibes

Time for my emotional support roasted potatoes

the canine urge to invade your personal space

in space i don't know what you mean

it’s ok wifi, i too am struggling to connect lately

humans are an invasive species

woke up feeling a little feverish, if someone else could please haunt the moors around the village this morning i’d really appreciate it

Look weather, with everything going on, the least you could do is warm the fuck up.

The world is a horrible place at the moment do I hope you manage to get some sun on your face today