Trump is basically like what would happen if we took that boy in 6th grade who ran for class president on the platform of replacing all the water in the drinking fountains with Dr. Pepper and made him president of the United States instead.

I can sympathize with people who now regret owning a Tesla, but if you bought a CyberTruck… I’m sorry, you deserve to be CyberBullied.

My (and my 2-year-old’s) face when Sara said she’s fiscally conservative and socially liberal. Girl. Yikes. #loveisblind

He should’ve broke up with her the second she said she has an unfollowers app. #loveisblind

So not only is everything just as expensive as it ever was (after he said again and again he was gonna lower prices on Day 1), but Trump is also actively taking jobs AWAY from people?? 🤔 Not looking so great after all…

It’s crazy how Part of Your World is the most beautiful song my 2-year-old has ever heard and she’s totally right.

If there’s one thing about Bethenny Frankel it’s that she WILL be making a tiktok about it.

Oura Ring: what are your health goals?
Me: I’d like to live forever.
Oura Ring: alright, let’s start by getting up and moving around.
Me: hmmm… okay, never mind.

My Spotify wrapped included an exclusive thank you video from the wiggles if that tells you anything about my year

“Oh, dude! If you don’t set your MIND to your destination… I swear to god” -Drew quietly scolding the careless Christmas shoppers in the parking lot of Joann

Well it happened. My daughter hid playdoh somewhere in this house and I fear for the day we find it again.

Wow! I never knew so many brands were thankful for me!

Also we’ve all listened to that ep of revisionist history Robby boy! You can’t fool us.

RFK is all “we’re gonna bring beef tallow back to French fries!” And it’s like… we just don’t want children being shot in schools anymore…

Why is Black Friday a month long now??? And the sales aren’t even good. Bring back camping in front of Best Buy for a $5 flat screen!!!!

I can’t wait to be president of the United States someday.

Trends are funny cause not that long ago, it was like “here are 18,000 nut milk alternatives cause cow’s milk is bad” and now it’s like “fuck it! Put your mouth right on the udder! Lick the poop hole a little. No one cares!!!!”

Bluesky is all “like 10 posts so we can figure your algorithm out” and then proceeds to show you the dumbest shit imaginable.

The “California sober” version of taking a social media sabbatical is just going on LinkedIn way more.