AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

call me crazy but i’ve never posted racist memes, befriended a pedophile, or went on an anti-trans rant but i guess i’m just a weirdo

Killing a mocking bird sounds super easy tbh I dont think I need to read an entire book about it

whelp nothing to do now except chew on tums with increasing frequency until i die

I rarely do this, but I’m hoping I maybe have enough of a following here that someone can help: I need to get in contact with Donkey Kong. It’s urgent

Excuse me I was told when I wake I shall have all the pretty little horses and I presently have zero horses

*a gentle breeze carries a napkin with unintelligible scribbles on it out a bus window*
“MY OEUVRE!” I cry.

I bet my life would be friggen baller if my name was Joey Hotdog

Happy birthday!!

Me too.

my son says a farewell to arms is sad, of course it is, imagine losing your arms smh

I’m pretty sure those buzzards want to be my friend.

this season of American Horror Story is too much for me

Some people have a trick knee; I can tell the storm’s a comin’ cause I feel it in my batwings

Doing a tour of the neighbourhood with my corpse tied to the back of a Roomba.

If you break enough lava lamps, then yes. The floor is lava.

Can we just skip ahead to the Fuhrerbunker suicides? I'm tired boss

hot take but just being alive and housed shouldn’t be so fucking expensive.

Hot take: not everyone deserves kindness

You must learn all the dance moves to Thriller if you wanna sleep in my bed. Costumes preferred but not required.

Sure I’m an influencer, if bad influence counts.

Strange tuning on cheap strings.

This is LOVE, baby don’t hurt me, no mo.

you come here once a quarter just to make fun of me 😂

Long ago, in a time before everyone was tired of everything

unlike crypto, your deposits into the sperm bank always remain liquid

[interrupting my opponent during rap battle] That’s not grammatically correct

I miss getting stoned and going nonverbal, now I can’t stfu