Suzanne Pleshette Is Maggie Briggs In Amy Prentiss

Shout out to Jack Tripper, fallin' outta hammocks and chillin' at the Regal Beagle and whatnot.

we all know I have no life, so:

The Onion wants to make us submissive slaves to the New world order.

Correct.

I get to the airport at the exact right time every time. Anyone arriving any earlier than me is a sap, anyone arriving any later is a reckless nut.

These are the 4 things AI can do well:

•Clean up your email inbox (badly)
•Give my shittiest neighbor (Alan) something to talk about at a party
•Tell a 12 yr old to kill himself
•Incinerate a school at 10:16 AM on a Tuesday

You can see why we need to base our economy around it

Never has such emotional range been portrayed in a sitcom intro

God said “let there be light,” and it was light. And on the second day it was another scorcher

it'll be back in three days

You just don’t get heroes punching children in opening credits like you used to.

Me when I see Christopher had a growth spurt and worked on his vertical all summer on the first day of basketball practice

Rhode Island legend

I am here for messaging that the THREAT alone - regardless of if it's carried out or walked back - should end his presidency.

The die is already cast. You cannot wield the power that man has and say that kind of shit.

Armageddon is terrible, but our only other option was diversity trainings at work.

The biggest story in the world right now is that the president of the United States is a demented old man who takes pleasure in torturing and killing people and is committing crimes with impunity. And yet most legacy media outlets are too cowardly to tell it like it is.

The Lion of the Yankees

You can really tell America is winning this war when the president panic posts “open the fuckin’ strait, you crazy bastards” at 5 am on Easter Sunday along with an extension on their deadline

John “Way Back” Wasdin

Shohei Ohtani currently has:

The longest active on-base streak in MLB (36 games)

The longest active scoreless inning streak in MLB (22 2/3 IP)

Is implying a fake Eduardo Rodriguez retirement the lowest stakes April Fool’s joke of all time?

I couldn’t go but sent my regrets

I get the sense you have a lot of fun doing the Maureen Dowd ones.