If the past really is a foreign country I’m surprised so many right-wingers want to live there.

You're in a desert walking along when you see a tortoise crawling towards you. You flip the tortoise over on its back, it lays there, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over but it can't, not without your help, but you're not helping. Why is that?

What’s a lie you repeat without hesitation on an appallingly regular basis? Mine is “I have read the Terms & Conditions”.

Coachella car campers are turning tents fancy - not all Brits are happy Campers are being judged for over-the-top tent set ups at this year's festival in California.

I don't know why I bothered to even start reading this and advise you not to.

A Candy Apple Red Fender Jaguar nestled in its red velvet-lined case.

Which reminds me, I need to get one for my Jag...

An unfinished semi-solid Jaguar body, with chrome parts and tortoiseshell pick guard, sits on a workbench.

Tortoiseshell pick guards look great on almost anything, especially CAR Jags.
e.g.

Jazzmasters should be Sunburst or Olympic White.

I agree, lthough I strongly believe that Candy Apple Red is the only Jags should come in.

I don't suppose this will help:
uk.fender.com/collections/...

Never, repeat never, ever play a left-handed bass right-handed. Unless you'd like a blister on the joint of a finger.

I went back to playing bass with fingers, rather than a pick, and drew blood.

Today is National Pet Day. Cats throughout the land can barely contain their indifference.

Just because you’re a walrus, that doesn’t mean you’re THE walrus. Get over yourselves, walruses. The same applies if you’re an egg man.

For smut, read cheese.

Good lord this is verging on the pornographic.

I was hoping that it would be served on the wheel of parmesan.

If my life had taken a different turn, I could have been with them.

Nothing. I just can't be arsed to set it up.

Gnocchi con salsiccia e gorgonzola for tea.

Then they came for the marmalade,
And I did not speak out,
Because my mouth was full of toast and marmalade,
By that or any other name,
And will continue to be every day for breakfast,
If we survive,
Because meanwhile the world is burning,
Kindly get a fucking grip.

You: I'm binge-watching the latest European/ US crime/spy drama.

Me: I'm binge-watching Deadly 60.

I don't suppose you could come round and sort my rack out?

Mother Clanger puppet returned to Canterbury after 50 years The original Mother Clanger from The Clangers is now on display at The Beaney in Canterbury.

In this increasingly shit world, a piece of good news.

If you'd've said, I would have.

[Scene is a TV news DEBATE FORMAT like Newsnight or Laura K. In the studio, NIGEL FARAGE is a guest on one side, and the GOVERNOR OF THE BANK OF ENGLAND is the other guest.] 1 FARAGE: It's simply outrageous! 2 FARAGE: Replacing Sir Winston Churchill on the £5 note with a badger is woke madness. 3 BANK OF ENGLAND GOVERNOR: Mr Farage, I can assure you that I and my colleagues at the Bank of England have listened to your concerns, 4 GOVERNOR: And we have gone to great length to ensure that the badger is, in fact... 5 GOVERNOR: ...Anti-woke. [The £5 note appears on the screen behind him. It shows a badger, with a black military cap on its head - looking suspiciously like a Nazi SS officer's cap.] 6 [Beat of Nigel Farage reacting silently to the image on screen] 7 FARAGE: The badger is anti-woke. 8 GOVERNOR: Indeed! [Pointing at the design on the screen] If you look down the bottom we've included a quote from him... 9 [Close up of the quote at the bottom of the new £5 note, which reads]: "It's not racist to be concerned about immigration, Carol" - The Anti-Woke Badger 10 FARAGE: The badger... said that? GOVERNOR: It's a comment he posted on Facebook. 11 FARAGE: Well he's quite right! It's not - 12 [Farage pauses again, distracted by the image on the screen] 13 FARAGE: What's with the hat? GOVERNOR: He's into history. [ends]

The dude abides.

Served with this, obviously.

Nepalese food for tea.

Same, and I made the mistake of wearing my big coat.

I keep meaning to watch it and I'll make sure I will.