[USE HERETOFORE-UNKNOWN TIMETABLE MANIPULATION TECHNIQUES TO MAKE THE TRAIN COME ON TIME AGAIN]
SHIT! YOU FORGOT THAT YOU HAD THOSE!!
Your CURRICULUM at IRONING SCHOOL was OVERLY COMPREHENSIVE!
[NEXT]
You WON'T miss this interview, even if it requires a few BROKEN SWEATS, or the morning's third UNIFORM DRYING SESSION.
A mouse skilled in dramatic irony would call your day SERIOUSLY THE WORST EVER before focusing on someone even more encumbered, but that'd be cruel, and you're an EMPATH.
[TIPSY'S FINE. BE THE MOUSE AGAIN FOR A LITTLE BIT]
Much to your MOUSE-BOYISH CHAGRIN, the train to work is expecting some delays into the foreseeable future!
You can't miss this interview -- that promotion, the opportunity to get that close to A CERTAIN SOMEONE, is ALL YOU'VE EVER WANTED!
[ACCEPT EVERY PART OF YOUR SONG-ADORING, ANXIOUS OWNER INTO YOUR HUNGRY, NEEDY GULLET - TO LATER SING AWAY THEIR WORRIES ALL ON THE FULLEST STOMACH YOU'VE HAD YET~]
You know this is what Tipsy wanted, all along...
FOREVER YOURS...
...
Glub blub.
[REMINISCE ON ALL THE GOOD MOMENTS YOU'VE HAD WITH TIPSY TO BOOST YOUR MOTIVATION]
After all this time, it's hard to believe that it's actually happening...
No more FOREPLAY OF ABSTRACT MEALS -- Tipsy's finally yours for the keeping.
[BE THE FISH]
[BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND ANYTHING CAN BE ACHIEVED]
Achieving BUBBLE-TIME FIN-ERGY, you are now the deeply motivated, impossibly stretchy wall-fish that's nearly halfway done packing away its owner, TIPSY NOURISHING...
Tipsy's self-ful donation will fuel your most beautiful aria yet!
[FHMMBL RRND ND PRSS DH SWNH NDH FNSH WNNDN FRRM DHNGY DH FRSDT MPHN NDS MNHTH!!]
[FNND DH FMHS DHS WNN MHDN HMMNDH GRRH GHSH PRRDGS!!]
YDH LLV DH, BND YRRH HMH-RYH GRDNNDNDS HHT NN LLH-TGH LLW, GNSMHGH MMHP MPHH!! MMHH...
[FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO FEED THE FISH BEFORE IT FEASTS ON YOU!]
It seems your timing all around needs a bit of work! It's a shame the QTE-Meter, along with the rest of your gauges, are only accessible atop your GAUGE GAUGE.
Better think fast -- you can't host a nice dinner if you're FISH FOOD!
[FIGHT THE FISH CURRENTLY CLAMPING DOWN ON YOUR HEAD]
Looks like your SUBCONSCIOUS is a bit quicker than your other reflexes, because WHAT DO YOU MEAN "CURRENTLY CLAMPING DOWN ON--"
Oh, okay, that's what you mean.
You have a hunch that this fish might actually be PROBABLY SEMIANIMATE.
[GET ALL THAT MUSH INTO YOUR LOWER GUTS!!]
RIGHT. You remind yourself that "A LOT OF MASS" is nothing compared to your past FRUITFUL BINGES, and FIRMLY RESOLVE to put excuses aside and finally put that INERT GOOP in its place, just before you run out of synonyms for it...
HOW'D YOU GET OVER HERE??
[NEXT]
Feeling indirectly targeted by nothing in specific, you give your gut two PATHETIC SQUISHES: one to convince the MULISH SLOP to do ANYTHING BUT STEW INDEFINITELY, the other to convince the masses that 60 pounds of THICK ABSTRACT SLUDGE is A LOT OF MASS, ACTUALLY, let alone having it doubled!
[JANITORIAL GOAT. BURP REALLY LOUDLY]
You barely stifle your PB&J-STYLED EMANATA as the glutter-thing slips fully, easily, away into your large intestines... call it an early lunch-break snack!
Whoever found defenestration to be easier than simple digestion must've lacked any-all gut strength...
[JANITORIAL GOAT, ADD THE DISCARDED GLUTTERMETER TO YOUR METERS POSTHASTE]
WHAT GLUTTERMETER?
...or rather, WHAT IS A GLUTTERMETER? The HALF-FULL BELLY-THING you scarfed down? Is that what it was called?
Could've used some salt.
[NEXT]
Your wandering mind inquires further, like WHAT'RE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS BELLY-THING?
And WHY'S IT HAVE A FACE?
And WHY HAVEN'T YOU GOTTEN THAT PROMOTION YET?
Settle down, humble bleat-thing, UPWARD MOBILITY is surely in your future, as soon as this whatever-mess gets cleaned up...
[BE THE GOAT]
You are now THE GOAT, d.b.a. THE JANITOR.
Two hours and 26 minutes into your BLISTERINGLY EARLY SHIFT, you begin to question the competence of the management of this place, as SHARDS OF GLASS and ABSTRACT GASTRICITIES fall all the way down from the top floor...
[ACKNOWLEDGE HUGEASS CHANDELIER HANGING OVER BED. LIKE, SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HELL. WHO DOES THAT. DO YOU JUST LAY THERE, LOOKING UP AT THE GIANT DANGLING METAL LIGHT FIXTURE THAT PROBABLY WEIGHS A BILLION POUNDS, PEACEFULLY DRIFTING OFF TO SLEEP?? YOU MANIAC]
It's classy!
[NEXT]
Okay, maybe you're not the goat.
On the bright side, you're back down to the ANATOMICALLY PROPER number of GLUTTERMETERS, though your LACKADAISICAL PITCHING has left you with a BROKEN WINDOW and a SUFFICIENTLY STOMACH-STARVED WALL-FISH...
Also, you get to see this corner of your room now.
[GO FOR THE 360 NOSCOPE!]
YOU'RE THE GOAT.
[NEXT]
Food diligently selected and firmly in paw, you just need to position your trusty FISH-I-SCOPE™ to aim straight down the target's gullet. PINK means the shot is FULL OF ACCURACY.
Food diligently squirming, it's making this much harder than it needs to be...
[NEXT]
In the name of your KARMA SUNDIAL or something (and because it was within paws reach), you choose the BLATANTLY RUDE one.
You thank it for the temporary BOOST IN CAPACITY, even if it came at a GREATLY INOPPORTUNE TIME, and reassure it that, not only will it be mist, but fish pudge too.
[NEXT]
Sorry, but you really can't afford to entertain every idea when your gut is TWO TIMES TOO FULL, and your THREE IMPORTANT GUESTS EN ROUTE are getting EVEN ROUTER BY THE SECOND!!
In the name of EFFICIENCY, unless the clogged-up GLUTTERMETERS can be simultaneously emptied, one'll have to go...
[YOUR GLUTTERMETERS ARE YOURS TO KEEP, NOT TO GIVE TO SOME FISH. THAT DISHWARE LOOKS QUITE SPHERICAL]
A DISRUPTIVE YET SYNERGISTIC NOTION emerges from your SUBCONSCIOUS, unanimously favored by the REBELLIOUS STOMACH DUO. Of course, the plate might fill up the...
HEY, YOU ONLY HAVE 37 MINUTES NOW!!
[NEXT]
That is to say, one of your GLUTTERMETERS is on the FIGURATIVE CHOPPING BLOCK that is your ABSTRACT ORNATE DISHWARE!
The gauges, both comfortably resting far outside an aquatic animal's insides, attempt to volunteer the other for the SURELY DARING and CERTAINLY SOPPING WET voyage.
[USE THE SCALE TO FEED DA FISH]
As much as you'd love a 300-POUND WALL ORNAMENT, the scale wouldn't be compatible with the "RELATIVELY SPHERICAL" part of the established synergy!
Your THE IDEA OF ALL TIME hopes to pair that fish's SURPRISINGLY LIFELIKE MAW with a TRUE STOMACH to match...
Together we weave a story...where tipsy's gonna eat someone non-abstractly eventually....
THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT ON DINNERVENTURE SO FAR :-P the updates haven't been as daily as i would like them to be recently but We are getting somewhere with this.. promise... thank you....
also: know that any thus far unused command still might be used later!! but keep submitting new ones too!
[NEXT]
Though, your current, uh, particularly MIDSECTION-HEAVY BUILD isn't the most conducive to the whole "standing" part of it...
For the sake of your BALANCE LEVEL and other associated metrics, you remain seated on your BUTTERMETER and mount the--
Okay, well that one's just being rude.
[FEED THE FISH SOMETHING THAT'S HEAVY, RELATIVELY SPHERICAL, AND A LITTLE TOO LARGE TO COMFORTABLY FIT IN ITS MOUTH]
[STAND ON THE SCALE AND TOSS ONE OF THE GAUGES INTO ITS MOUTH FOR THE TRICK SHOT OF ALL TIME]
In an unprecedented showing of COLLABORATIVE EFFICIENCY, you have THE IDEA OF ALL TIME.
[MAKE THE FUNNY FISH ON THE WALL SING]
And in return for your secrets, the WALL-MOUNTED FUNNY FISH serenades you with...
A view into it's SURPRISINGLY LIFELIKE MAW.
You have to feed the fish something if you expect it to sing for you!
[CONSULT FISH]
When all the bullshit in your life feels like it's too much to handle, you take some time to CONSULT your WALL-MOUNTED FUNNY FISH.
You feel comfortable spilling your every secret to it, seeing as it's PROBABLY INANIMATE.
