A unicycle is permanently poppin’ a wheelie. Peak clown energy.

Who is Labubu and why do you people keep dragging me into it

First radiation scan just dropped. I look like one of those bad dog drawings where the artist has never seen a dog.

Turns out “Groundbreaking” is an inspiring word for a startup but devastating one for an overweight stranger.
The more you know.

[me, changing the oven light bulb] Guess I'm an electrician now.

High waisted < high and wasted

Who else avoids checking their email until they’re ready to be depressed?

A "break from reality" is probably less relaxing than it sounds

“It’s all good,” I say, adjusting my Burger King crown.

War, heatwaves, and corrupt elections just aren’t sparking joy like they used to

Next person to call me “brave” or “strong” gets to see just how strong my throat punch is.

You’re trying to get a foot in the door.

I have one foot out the door.

I guess no one is getting in or out of this convenience store.

“Still punk as fuck” I say as I refill my bird feeders every day at 7am

“I asked grok” “I asked ChatGPT”

I asked my elected official. I’m now in a basement with fluorescent lighting and no concept of time. Send help.

@danafarber.bsky.social thank you 💖

Happy last chemo! 🎈🥂🎈

this rice cake tastes more like death than it does rice or cake

Murder, she cross-stitched

I put my thing down, flipped it, and reversed it.

This was not covered by insurance.

Being in your 30s is accidentally getting horny looking at new Zillow listings

Hiking alone, whispering “Is it tree you’re looking for?”
No response. Rude.

Therapist waived my late cancelation fee. Pretty sure I just unlocked “favorite client” status.

LinkedIn is just Facebook for when I want to feed my depression

The coach of the #NYknicks looks like every pissed off deli owner in the five boroughs

This was my outfit to Bluesky prom 💀

i'd describe my summer body as spongy. just getting that out there now.

A screenshot of an article. The headline reads, "How long can open pasta sauce last in the fridge?"

Until you see mold, next question.

Cat with bra on its head that looks a whole lot like the big white pope hat

New Pope just dropped

Annnd the three Jews in the house rush to the tv room because we heard there’s a new Pope