There’s thunder in LA but only those of us brave enough to stay night owls into our 30s get to enjoy it 😎

Just got such a good Green Envelope that now I’m convinced the rapture IS happening tomorrow :(

Everything is so fucking bad it literally hurts to be alive but The Bills are good and that’ll have to be enough for now

I always knew a podcast would start the next Civil War.

LOVE WINS

My parents in their 30’s: time for baby #4

Me in my 30’s: should I have a couch warming party

Me when my husband asks what I want to do for my birthday

Oh!!!!

my entire family work in healthcare so I never leave a doctor’s office without complimenting every person there. Nurse? Painless IV insert. Doctor? Couldn’t have listened better. Tech? That was the best blood pressure cuff I have ever felt.

Working in entertainment means constantly hearing “no” from things you didn’t even know were on the table just to increase the pain

I miss Twitter the most during earthquakes

To be or not to be really is the FUCKING question, huh?

Biggest military in the world*

*to be deployed against its own people

So we’re all just gonna roll over and accept that bikinis are $200 total????

I’ve been doing the Phoneodoro Method lately, which is when you do 10 minutes of work then scroll your phone for 60 as a reward.

Why does The Survivor 50 casting announcement feel like they’re all gonna fight to the death in the Hunger Games

i feel like you could put a percent ticker labeled “wokeness in government” and have it going down to zero and trick these people into think that’s a real measured metric

Flight just got pushed back to 1:30am

Hell yeah!!!!

Love that all the Catholics in my life are like “when I saw that the new Pope was American I was terrified”

1 Pope vs. 100 Cardinals

Did you know you can just block every single conservative account you come across including the White House

Me when I schedule therapy: “everything is awful. I have never known happiness. Life is futile.”

Me at therapy: “I love my friends!!!!!!!!!😀”

Diva down

The bitch is back…

…IN THERAPY!!!!

Can we do online Pope betting in California?

Thank you!

Any writing credit in these trying times is a literal miracle from god

Unless you’re going all the way to the moon I don’t wanna hear about it!!!!