Gym on a Friday cuz it's the first day I've had unscheduled blocks that weren't scrambling to deal with something else.
...but I got approval for the team reorg I was proposing this week so I should get to promote some solid engineers into lead roles to help some of my scheduling chaos. 💪🏼

Oh no, so sorry 🤗

Columbus opening day! Softball season is officially begun - not my best play, but not awful, either. Sunshine like we never expect in April ☀️🥎🌈

After a very nice start to the day (delicious porch breakfast and lovely sunshine), it's been taxes and softball league drama. I feel distinctly less good now, even though objectively neither of these things was that bad or onerous as irritating responsibilities go. /sigh/

This was a very delightful breakfast to wake up to 🤤 and AJ always makes remarkably aesthetically pleasing salads

😂 didn't know this was a thing

With bonus locker room content cuz I feel good 😇

Finishing the week with some gym time after having a low energy, feeling-my-age (aware it's not that old, but nonetheless seems the apt description) sort of week. Still not feeling optimal, but at least feel more satisfyingly like I'm powering through it.

I feel like I should clarify for the sake of not appropriating another subculture that I am in no way a pup, nor really in dire need of "good boy" style feedback, there was just a weird amount of that theme today in my walk and I thought it was cute/fun

That said, attempted affirmations appreciated

Also, apparently a 6 mile walk accumulating coffee, art, and books is a pretty optimal hangover cure 🙃

My simulation is feeling pointed right now, serving up themed content 😛

Off to Dallas for a few days for softball and I feel so disorganized heading into it - situation normal, I guess. @foxxybenedict.bsky.social & @eggwards.bsky.social I'll be in briefly if y'all are around. With the rain I don't actually know how much time will be at the fields vs on the town

I might also just need to sleep more 😴 which does sound delightful

Just cleared 100 miles for the year, and my 8th week in a row of at least some gym time. I feel like for the end of March I'm in pretty good shape, but I'm also just so worn out all the time. Standing desk/walking desk at work might be more than I can handle when also trying to be active otherwise

Yay! Congrats!

I also got to see a mini journal entry there from the day I went to a Meetup queer dinner night with a group of elder lesbians who fully changed the course of my life by recommending the softball league to me.

Primary takeaways: I have shifted left politically a bit, or at least come to understand the imbalances of power in the world and their consequences better. I used to write a lot of poetry when I was angsty, stressed out, or lonely. I used to be lonely and disconnected a lot more often.

Had the weird experience last night of revisiting my blog from 2006-2011 😂

It was intermittent but informed by my stresses of that time - college pressure, post-graduation social reinvention, unemployment in the 2009-2011 economic crisis era, coming out in college, and making a home in a new city

Photo content cuz we all know what drives social media 😛 this isn't the best space for longer form content, but it's something I always miss a bit

...He accepts that I might view myself that way, but doesn't really buy it and takes a quiet, consistent position of "you are enough" that is very grounding.

I still don't think I know how to intentionally aspire without living in ruthless self-critique, but it's nice to have his perspective. ❤️

...one of the things I've always found remarkably gratifying in my relationship with AJ, but probably haven't fully understood how to articulate, is that he doesn't really humor me or meet me in my productivity-obsessed self-flagellation...

...the reconciliation of honesty and humility in self perception is always kinda hard to me. I never want to be overly generous when I feel like my tendency is to take what slack I give myself, but I find I don't really know how to own my strengths and successes the way I operate today...

...I frequently beat myself up for being unmotivated or undisciplined, while close friends look at me like I'm crazy cuz I'm generally high performing. In my head, that just means I'm very good at pulling the wool over their eyes, too, and I'm still not totally convinced this isn't the case...

...I don't actually have any external sense of progress or whether I'm challenging myself sufficiently. There's really no accountability other than my own satisfaction, which I think sometimes I don't give myself credit for motivating myself in wholesome ways...

Doing the gym thing today, it strikes me that I kinda always workout solo in a nearly-always empty gym. I don't lift with specific targets or push for heavy weight, I just do it because I feel better when I exercise and stretch a bit...

Spring is fucking wild

Gym day yesterday, so we splurged with a little thirst trap for the locker room fans

What's that comma doing there?

This would seem insane if I hadn't seen you do it before 😛 that is to say, I believe in you