I'm being told brownies can't be what for dinner and for breakfast.

Conformity is not for the weak

When i got home I was so tried i left the keys in the ignition.

I might be over valuing my car when I lock it.

It was a Muppet murder mystery

Tired of all of this

My kingdom for a lifetime of weird.

We all eventually drown in the waters we try to tread.

Nothing feels explainable.
We have moved beyond reason

At this point the trouble is the shoot.

Hell is where the heart is. ❤️

I'm the clown in your car.

Keep shoving me inside.

Awesome, let go get fired from this job. 🎉

Yes, I can make you a coffee...

Wait, is this an interview question?

I'm tired of doing interviews grandpa 😭

How Dee Hoe 👋

You can only hide in the bathroom at work for so long.

Hello, hi

Date night*

*checking your A1C and getting In and Out

The weird is coming from inside the house.

They infact did not have the time.

Half pass my ass
Quarter to my crack

Honorable mention to the guy that uploaded a picture of two emails he sent to himself of a incomplete resume template.

His interview is this afternoon

The worst resume award goes to the guy who just uploaded an old pay stub.

I will make them regret not hiring anyone for HR.

My boss said he had something for me last night and I asked him if it was a gun.

Works fun 😭

I'm to the point that dropping dead to avoid my responsibilities sounds like a solid plan.

Get in the van, you got a job

When can you start!

I've been gone.
But its always nice to be seen. 😁

I would hire you in a heartbeat 💕

Lol, I could never forget you.

I need to rewrite a job listing

How about

Introverts wanted
Come sit in a dark room and watch YouTube with me

Does that sound good?