I feel your pain. I didn’t sleep nearly enough last night.

Same. No one’s here, so there’s nothing to do.

Anonymous messages! Anonymous messages!

It’s raining. I’m bored. What about you?

ngl.link/travelsandtr...

Beyond beef.

This email could’ve been an underwhelming pizza party.

Good point. I’ve been looking at it all wrong. Free entertainment!

Can’t forget they also gotta save the job of the guy that has been fired twice and everyone thinks is creepy.

I feel this.

(I’m also 100% pro union.)

I was gonna like this but I didn’t wanna be the one to ruin it having 69 likes. The thought was there.

Reply guy is still better than single-ply guy.

Not sure why I wasn’t picked to be the new CEO of Apple. I told them I’d release the same phone over and over and slightly increase the price each year. Thought I was a shoo-in.

Have I told you about the time I accidentally passed the Dutchie to the right hand side and was banned from all future 420 gatherings?

I speak French, but I’m not from the Champagne region of France. You can just call me sparkling disappointment.

Someone followed me once. It was a while ago now, but I remember it like it was yesterday.

Dammit. I knew I forgot something!

I do. I like me.

Good point! Fixed it!

So true, my dude.

I’m my own reply guy.

back in my day it used to be called common sense. now it’s just called sense

Just FYI- If you have “🚫porn” in your bio, we all assume you’re using reverse psychology.

Yes, I think I’m better than everyone, but in like a kinda fun, cute way.

Wanna exchange microplastics?

Being really good looking is hard too, okay?

I think I injured my hip. Not in a fun way, but in an “I’m old now” way.

You can’t call beef wagyu if it isn’t from
the Champagne region of France.

I do not regret my decision.

Have I told you about the time I left a no-hitter early to go to Taco Bell because the volcano burrito was back for a limited time?