First, the good news. The bathwater has been disposed of.

So sorry Moose. Sending you all so much love. X

A photo of a colourful stained glass window in a church. The bottom panel says "To the honour and glory of God. And Louisa his wife."

Huh. I didn't know he was married.

Actually, Valentine was the name of the scientist. You're thinking of Valentine's Monster.

A photo of a Christmas cracker joke that says "If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?" with the answer "Mistle toe."

?

I'm at that stage of work where you go 'Tee hee, I can put this off until January, which is several years away. I'm so clever!'

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: Because it saw someone from work on a Saturday.

Road sign for 'Skirmish Paintball'

How delightfully quaint some of these old Devon village names are, their etymologies lost in the mists of time.

Saw someone with the same teeth as me at the coincidentist.

A picture through a shop window with various kinds of net curtain hanging in it. They all have name badges on - "Beth, Lorna, Hayley etc".

I think this shop is hosting some kind of networking event for ghosts.

Photo of Nutmeg standing on all fours on top of a small cylindrical stool

If you press the bottom of the cylinder, her legs collapse

Oundle, and Oundle.

I was terrified enough as it was, a jump scare would've finished me off, I fear.

Love visiting small museums. Really looking forward to having nightmares about this guy for the rest of my life.

A map showing South West England and Wales, labelled "Graph of British Rivers". Two river courses are shown, labelled 'Wye axis' and 'Exe axis'. Does anyone read these descriptions, or am I wasting my time?

Graph of British Rivers

A photo of a colourful stained glass window in a church. The bottom panel says "To the honour and glory of God. And Louisa his wife."

Huh. I didn't know he was married.

Looks like I picked the wrong day to open my chunky knitwear and casserole emporium.

cartoon for the guardian by Stephen Collins - script as follows: [Scene is a darkened LOFT. Amongst the boxes and junk are FOUR KNACKERED OLD FANS - three tower fans and one circular, with cracked grey plastic and buttons missing. One fan, TOWER FAN 1, is a bit taller than the others, and is addressing them] 1 TOWER FAN 1: Right lads, get ready. 2 TOWER FAN 1: This is our time. 3 TOWER FAN 1: The time when we remember who we are, and why we’re here. 4 TOWER FAN 1: We are the four crap fans in a British person’s loft, and we are here to make absolutely no difference whatsoever. 5 TOWER FAN 1: I know what you’re thinking, lads: 6 TOWER FAN 1: Surely this will be the year they finally replace us? 7 TOWER FAN 1: Our plastic’s gone all brown... I haven’t oscillated since 2018... 8 TOWER FAN 1: Dave here sounds like a spitfire and blows like a sad cat’s sigh… TOWER FAN 2: Cheers mate 9 TOWER FAN 1: But no. These people are British, and every year, they forget the sun exists. By the time they remember, new fans will cost *four million pounds* on Amazon. 10 TOWER FAN 1: So we’ll be back down there... shovelling thick air across the moaning faces of a species that cannot comprehend the concept of air conditioning, or even just closing the curtains when it’s hot out... 11 TOWER FAN 1: ...while they incessantly bang on about normally hot countries which this country is now temporarily a bit hotter than. 12 [The loft hatch opens and a person comes up the ladder] PERSON: APPARENTLY IT’S HOTTER THAN GREECE, LISA

british fan chat

(A farmer came and rescued them)

An Amazon delivery van on a beach, the front wheels are dug into the sand.

Can't park there mate.

Photo of some clean small leg bones on a wooden board

Simple line drawing of the shapes of the bones all lined up at the top, below the same outlines contained within a sausage shape. The sausage has a long nose, round eyes and a little mouth at the left hand end. Caption: SNAKE

Dug up some bones in the garden and I’ve tried to recreate what sort of animal they might have been from. Looks like some sort of snake most probably.

I heard a ruckus in the kitchen and walked in to find her like that. Made me laugh so much.

Happy birthday to you! 🎉

Photo of a book on a bookshelf in a shop. It’s by the late Pope Francis. Large picture of his head together with the word ‘Hope’.

Wow, what a horrific typo. Right on the cover.

👀 Excellent.

👀 Amazing. Took me a while!

Hooray!

Well technically it's Minnie, but also Mouse, Moo, Moops, Bear etc etc and so forth.

A photo of my kitchen, my black cat's face is poking out sideways about three-quarters of the way up a doorframe with an absolutely insane look on her face.

Please enjoy this picture of my cat.

Asterisks are ****ing great. I swear by them.