There is nothing familiar about the inside of this whale but the swallowing took me back. The 90's indie rock scene, books I thought I should read, too much time with the wrong person, all in boxes outside, oh shit my ex kicked me out of this whale

Love when people I didn’t want to call in the first place don’t call me back. Like, how long can we keep this special thing going.

Trump doing his weird little two-fisted dance on a stage, with a larger image of himself projected behind him

this looks like a steve brule meme

ballet dancer dramatically breaking free from chains

how it feels ignoring google maps directions

crosswalk buttons don't do shite

i did it, i smoked all the weed. sorry guys

I’ve definitely told someone "I’m almost there" while I was still standing in my bathroom in a towel, debating if I even want to go.

I swear there's no shittier game that was absolutely right than Assassin's Creed

yeah so doritos or four loko or whatever wouldn't kill a victorian child, nothing can kill a victorian child

I’m committing a cardinal sin at the gym (granny panties and yoga pants)

cursed concept: a harem anime, but every girl is a manic pixie dream girl straight out of '00's cinema

ME: why am I not invited to your 4/20 party?
FRIEND: what day is it today?
ME:
FRIEND:
ME: 1/5
FRIEND: that's why

happy to announce i have officially agreed to step into a new role as CEO of apple inc. starting immediately

apple inc has not agreed

A machine ran 13 miles in 50 minutes? Wait until they hear about cars.

Why would voters ever make a promise to a party. Why would that ever be the balance of power in anything but a cult.

After building the best public education system in the world brought us the Counterculture and the Anti-War Movement, conservatives in the US began a 50+ year assault to destroy public education.

I'm like this because my favourite snack as a child was orange chapstick.

Did you know that therapy takes more than one appointment? Just found out and i am LIVID

the torturer who just cut my ear off: please stop

me: *moaning*

so how about no president and we all just pinky promise to be cool

push notifications but it’s just my IBS

I like when an actor who usually plays Weird Little Freaks gets to play a *different* kind of Weird Little Freak than the type of Weird Little Freak they usually play

I'm just gonna say what we're all thinking: the scenario described in Franz Kafka's THE METAMORPHOSIS would make for an extremely compelling reality show.

*caveman discovers weed*
*caveman invents fire*
*stone age begins*

If we’re going to have to endure smart glasses we should at least be able to use them to monitor men’s behaviour towards women

Hide and seek but it's me being the seeker and never coming to find you so I can get some peace and quiet

F. Murray Abraham as Salieri in Amadeus

Tfw someone posts a better reply than you immediately after you’ve replied

it’s fun when multiple cat pfps like the same posts bc my notifications look like one cat saw it and shared it with their cat friends

A closeup image of a crescent moon in the shape of a smile

the moon out here smiling at me tonight