My Buddys can be gay, straight, bi, pan, asexual, trans, and pretty much everything in between.

However, Kid Sisters can ONLY be lesbians.

I don't make the rules.

Hockey rules. It's the only job where a 38 year old can sucker punch a 20 year old and no one gets arrested.

Hume Cronyn's The Mummy

A minute left in overtime of and Jeff Bezos does this!

Jackée Harry and Laurie Metcalf

What if we found out that the mysterious photographer behind the Mike Vrabel / Dianna Russini photos was none other than the crew of the Artemis II and their Nikon D6.

Without a doubt, my greatest memories from elementary school was when a dog would get loose in the school for some reason.

How come it is never the bad, rotten, painful tooth that falls out on its own? It's always a regular load-bearing A+ tooth. Like fuck dude, that was one of my top 5 teeth.

My wife is pissed because she found out that I blew $35,000 on a burned DVD-R that I found on ebay of the movie Armageddon, but in all of the scenes that feature the song "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" by Aerosmith it is swapped out with the song "Pardon Me" by Incubus.

Everyone is right, they do need to get the mom's from Love on the Spectrum to do some sort of a Love Island style fuck fest show. I keep hearing more and more people saying this.

Me thinks this Donald Trump fella has shit for brains.

That's my FIFA Peace Prize winner!

I heard the Artemis astronauts found a guy living on the moon. They said he was walking around, and that he seemed really pissed. They said he kept doing the "up yours" forearm thing and used moon rocks to write "KEEP IT MOVING, BIOTCH" on the surface. So the crew requested permission to nuke him.

"So J.D. and Dr. Cox arrive at his son's birthday party in the park, and Dr. Cox is rambling about Brendan Fraser and how he's gonna take photos of all the kids eating birthday cake and J.D. goes “Where do you think we are?” and I shit you not, it is revealed they are at Brendan Fraser's funeral!"

Do you think the Trix rabbit is ever gonna get his fucking shit together? I doubt it.

Egg nog implies the existence of sperm nog.

Anyways, I bet I have what it takes to be a grave digger. You know, like, dig graves at the cemetery. For a living. Because I love the outdoors, I own my own shovel, and I heard you never have to actually see the bodies. So win-win-win!

Everyone was distraught at the sinking of the RMS Titanic that terrible night in April 1912, and rightly so, but I took it harder than most you see because I was booked to perform at the White Star Punchline Comedy Club on the Main Deck (near the good toilets) two weeks later. :(

I am getting old so I decided to freeze my cum, much to the chagrin of my wife who says I "absolutely wrecked the ice tray."

Seth MacFarlane catching strays from Love on the Spectrum.

These newer seasons of The Simpsons are wild.

Jeff Probst: We put season 50 in the hands of the fans, and what the fans overwhelmingly told us was that they wanted to see more representation of the current Applebee's menu on the show.

I heard that in the new season of Euphoria they are all now waitresses working at the posh Above the Top restaurant, located atop the Bonaventure Hotel in Los Angeles. Jacob Elordi will play the wisecracking pianist "Sonny Mann", who makes rude and occasionally sexist comments to the waitresses.

Tobias Menzies sounds less like a person's name and more like two different parts of puberty.

Chekov's gun.

I really think the immediate reaction by the media, politicians, and celebrities to the death of Charlie Kirk will go down in history as a major, "everything is bullshit and nothing matters" moment.

Just because Trump talks shit about someone doesn't mean you gotta trip over your dick to cannonize them.

My bracket is perfect so far, however Texas will ruin that in a few seconds.

Facebook post by Nekima Levy Armstrong: "Friends, A Breaking News headline just appeared in the Star Tribune, claiming that the national Target boycott ended today. This is false. The writer of the story, Carson Hartzog, is fully aware that the Target boycott was launched in Minneapolis on February 1, 2025. I have spoken to her several times since then, yet she failed to reach out to me, Jaylani Hussein, or Monique Cullars Doty, the three founders of the national Target boycott for the story. Carson even used the photo from our press conference that includes my daughter, Assata Joy and Ms. Rosemary Nevils, an elder in our community, to try to add legitimacy to a bogus story. I am once again disgusted by the Star Tribune and their attempts to minimize and erase the voices of our community. The nationwide Target Boycott is not over, unless and until Target reverses its decision to rollback Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion, as we said from the beginning. “Pastor” Jamal Bryant does not speak for us or our community and has zero authority to end the nationwide boycott of Target, a company that is headquartered in Minneapolis. Please don’t believe the hype and these attempts to rescue Target from the effects of capitulating to the Trump Administration. Target rolled back DEI because of Donald Trump. They donated $1 million to the Trump/Vance inauguration committee. Target also allowed ICE to stage in its parking lots during Operation Metro Surge. The nationwide boycott of Target is successful and it will continue. Please continue to shop elsewhere."

Nekima on the Target boycott.

Nah, I don't think it's weird that Netflix has released two different original movies called War Machine in the past decade. Why would that be weird?

Tonight, we get the return of this version of Kristi Noem. Wandering around Sioux Falls, high on mescaline, shooting every dog in sight.