… I’d rather put an ice pick through my eardrums than listen to Joe Buck voluntarily but at least it can be watched on mute.

fucks sake

u n i o n i z e

we're bringing the early 2000s imac aesthetic to everything. figure out how to do a translucent candy shell on the back of an iphone, engineers, i believe in you

Lynne Thigpen as "The Chief" from Where In Time Is Carmen Sandiego

Lock the fuck in, Gumshoes. Carmen Sandiego stole a priceless wax pressing of "One of These Nights" by the Eagles. You've got to stop her before she travels back in time to 149 BC Carthage and trades it to Scipio Africanus the Younger for a kilo of the good shit.
*Rockapella bops on stage*

*New Jersey

@dwisk.us please? 🥺

When I was a kid mom used to bribe me with a cinnamon roll afterwards if I would go out with her for a run on Ashland in the mornings. Now I’m an adult and have just come in from a run and a swim and wheremst the fuck is someone with my cinnamon roll? 🥺

I was born at night, but not last night!

Hahaha employer just handed me an arbitration agreement years after I was hired and asked me to sign and return it before the end of the day. I think the fuck not.

The two most correct answers.

… thanks, I think?

Crying at work at 9:48 am… happy fucking Friday

For the love of god and all that is holy

The Cheat is grounded! We had that lightswitch installed for you so you could turn the lights on and off, not so you could throw lightswitch raves! Now let's go break open that glowstick and pour it into Homestar Runner's Mountain Dew. I heard they have to pump your stomach when you drink that stuff

first day of regularly scheduled weekly standups at work. aka a meeting for sake of having a meeting. I give it three thursdays before I snap on someone.

Up early enough to where he can start drinking to beat the hangover

they're not mad. please don't put on the times square billboard that they got mad.

Is that a NEW statement? Dear god keep digging JD it’ll be funny

did I hear the Torment Nexus architects were doing a panel?

🪸

(thank you getty museum social media team i hope you are having fun doing this)

Love ya Q but I can’t click a substack link in good conscience.

Man that guy got around, he wired our house back in the 60s, which is why the dining room has a switch at ankle height to control the back patio lights, and the front porch light switch is at 6’ high ten feet down the hallway.

no faster way to make my keys disappear

has he ever gotten out of single digit polling?

it is a tough read, but yeah, here you go.
www.sfchronicle.com/politics/art...

oh someone got BIG mad

i just wanna know how i paid fifa for a Netherlands jersey for my grandma and it was half the cost of an MLB jersey? how has Fanatics made FIFA look cheap? the world is upside down!

doing god's work with these tweets because I REAAAAAAAAAALLLY want some of the new City Connect gear but was boggled that somehow MLB jerseys are now $200 lol