(second date)
me: [eager to show off new tattoo] remember how you said you liked garlic bread

Hospitality. I guess I have to go with Dunston Checks In.

I feel the research of tall person @mave.bsky.social on this phenomenon (dating back to Twitter times) deserves to be mentioned here. bsky.app/profile/mave...

he is risen lol

Ask me a question I won't even dignify with a response.

shout out to schroeder

I am Cousin Banjo.

plinka
plinka
plinka

I wrote a whole song about sandwiches and didn't even rhyme Cuban with Reuben.

What happened in his childhood that made this man willing to jump a shark?

For example, did he innately begin to turn machines on with percussive force, or was there a teacher?

Fonzie origin story

A wise man once said, "There'll be no healing from the art of double-dealing. Armageddon's back in town again."

This cup of coffee is a little bitter, but don't worry. It's nothing four heaping tablespoons of Swiss Miss can't fix.

My wife has this crazy thing where she stops eating when she feels full.

Young toughs have organized once again to kick me in the seat of my pants. My pants!

Goodbye Orange Cream Coke Zero. We hardly knew ye. All that's left are the crazy memories. You were only on this earth for a limited time.

Hit me up if you're looking for a podcast guest who is in no way interesting, amusing, or particularly well-informed on any topic.

Am I depressed?
Is the Pope Catholic?
Does a bear shit in the woods?
Did Big Country make guitars sound like bagpipes?

'measles outbreak at the child prison' seems entirely avoidable, it's really the kind of thing that only happens if you do several unthinkably evil things on purpose all at once

My neighbor Randy saw his shadow today so it looks like we’ll be experiencing six more weeks of drunken front yard kung fu

Look, I need something to write home about, so spare me that crap that's nothing to write home about.

The reason has been unearthed: Everyone hates me. Well done, everyone!

greg bovino will replace dan bongino in the broadway adaptation of the bing bong brothers

WHEN I SAY "DURAN!!"
YOU SAY "DURAN!!"

I do think that a possibly underrated dynamic in The Horrors is that the Right as it has reconstituted itself under Trump legitimately can’t understand sincere moral or physical courage

Perhaps you remember me from my '60s vocal group, The Shitty Lettermen.

Teenaged me used to imagine that Columbia House order pickers were marveling at my good taste in music.

Note to future archeologists: This post was authored on the same evening as the college football championship game, thus creating an amusing brain vs. braun dichotomy. The reason for the lack of response is unknown.

As I understand it, there is a contest tonight that pits college against college. Well, may the most learned prevail!