::very Rudi North voice::

We’ve got neeeewww dates

CODE: BEEFING comedybangbangworld.com/tour/

The Onion has successfully acquired Alex Jones’ ‘Infowars’ after 17 months of legal battles and has debuted its new logo.

It will be turned into a parody of itself, with the support of the Sandy Hook families.

I've just vetted Mandelson, so I'd give it a minute if I was you..

I'm furious this isn't real..

I mean, I'm glad she's trying new revenue streams - but can't help feeling this is in bad taste..

..guess it's autoerotic asphyxiation and making my own hummus for me..

Wish I could have a midlife crisis, but having an affair seems exhausting, I don't care about sports cars, can't grow a ponytail, and leather jackets make me sweat..

This is excellent

Pepper. A dog seemingly made out of porcelain and allergic to existence.

Pepper, seemingly not giving a fuck that in the last month she's cost me around £1300 in vet bills..

This seems a woefully unworkable and messy plan..

Wonder why this cartoon didn't catch on?..

Joe Lycett seemed to be on everything, then sort of vanished.. I think.

Maybe I'm just not watching as much telly.

Finally, biscuits for women!

What y'havin'?..

"War. War never chang-eeeeez.."

Nice to see your boyfriend getting recognition...

Happy Jesus day!

Show me the energy you bring to Bluesky...

*God, drunk, creating ducks.

"Imma put a kazoo in that bird"..

Look at all those cunts..

The forbidden jacket spud..

How it started, etc..

Those dweebs, going to the moon again..

How it started, etc..